Making Out Gets Awkward

by Lyra

What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 22
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Washington DC
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? None
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 11
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Making Out Gets Awkward

How long ago did this hookup happen? 1 week

What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status

How would you best classify this hookup? No hookup

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a month

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Sean is a tall, fit man with a ridiculous hipster haircut (the one with the shaved sides and floppy part on top). He has big blue eyes, dirty blonde flop-hair, and a quick smile. He is a co-worker of my sister’s boyfriend, and we all went out for drinks together— yes, it was awkward being set up. Honestly, we clicked right away, we were interested in the same line of work, liked the same activities, and the conversation came easily— but that might be the alcohol talking. Halfway through the night, we were making out in the alley behind the bar. Like I said- alcohol.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We didn’t hook up the first night we met, just made out and he asked for my number (then didn’t text me for four days). When he did text me, we made a plan to meet up again at the same bar with the same people. After, we ended up going back to my place. I’d say we were both pretty responsible for the night’s outcome. He definitely made the first moves, but my counters were strategic.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We didn’t have vaginal sex. Instead, we made out and after a few seconds, he offered me oral sex. Which seemed rather abrupt seeing that we were both fully clothed. He moved pretty quickly which seemed out of character. The oral was the worst I have EVER received, I was questioning to myself if he had ever done it before— he actually bit my vulva and not in a hot way. I almost immediately stopped him and we kept making out for a while, being a little slower with clothing removal. After a while, I got the feeling it was my turn to reciprocate (I usually don’t feel so begrudgingly about performing oral sex on a man, but was perturbed by the outcome of the previous encounter). I moved to take off his underwear, but he got really squirmy and asked me what I was doing. I responded with a coy suggestion. He then said: “I have something I have to tell you. I have genital herpes.” Shocked, scared and inexperienced with this situation I pondered my response and thanked him for telling me. We decided to cuddle instead. He asked me if I want him to leave, but I was nonchalant about it, saying only if he wants to. We kissed a little more. He asked me what I am thinking about and I respond with a remark about how much I want to cuddle him— I really didn’t want to open up a can of worms about where he got the disease or more personal details. With the lights off, he fell asleep almost instantly. Later in the night (at 4 am) he spooned me, waking me up. He said something along the lines of if he stays any longer he’s going to take his underwear off and it wouldn’t be good. Not sure how me sleeping on the other side of the bed and not touching him below the belt gave him the impression that was even an option. He got up, got dressed and left.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Not at all

Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close

Did your partner have an orgasm? No

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? He hasn’t contacted me since. I had a minor panic about contracting genital herpes from through clothing dry jumping, but haven’t had symptoms. I kind of hoped that he would text— because I think it’s a little rude to see a person naked and drop an extremely personal secret on them and never contact them again. I feel a little sad for him— he’s a really sweet guy, and only 22, but I know he will have a rough time dating with herpes. All the same, I don’t have a desire to ever hook up with him again, but now need an excuse for why it didn’t work out for my sister and her boyfriend who set us up.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) No penetrative sex happened

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more, Intoxication, To feel more confident, To cheer myself up, Boredom, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it, It was easy / convenient

How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My sister. I swore her to secrecy because I needed to tell someone about this weird story!

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively negative

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Do you regret this hookup? A little bit

Why do you regret this hookup? This is my first true exposure to an STD and it scared me— a lot. It makes me reconsider my hookup habits (which aren’t that often) and worry way more about my health.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I made out with a cute guy…

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? It was horribly awkward. Put me at risk for an STI. Changes my view of my sexuality.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes. It scared me. As I said, this is my first personal exposure to an STD and it really scared me. I always use protection, to the point where I think to myself that is enough… but it’s not because other STDs can still be spread.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Not at all positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Fairly negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I have a pretty consistent fuck buddy currently, and he’s my first consistent casual sex partner. I’ve had a string of one night stands and a few boyfriends in my past. I find that when I feel open to engaging in casual sex I’m usually feeling vulnerable and lonely. But then casual sex isn’t fulfilling physically or emotionally. I tend to think that things might lead to something consistent or more. Casual sex has played a somewhat major role in my life, and to an extent, I used hookups and casual sex in the past to get over being raped. Making out with friends or people I didn’t really know was me testing out boundaries— being able to say no and it be heard. I’m not sure that my current casual experiences are still connected to the same root, but now they are a symptom of my own insecurities and wanting to be validated and desired. However, with my current fuck buddy, it’s way less about the cerebral need for validation, because unlike my string of one night stands, the sex with my fuck buddy is dynamite and some of the best sex I’ve ever had. For right now, it’s all about sexual gratification and not so much about my insecurities.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? This seems like a really interesting project and a fascinating approach to researching sexual behavior of different age groups.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!