What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 35
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? Rotterdam
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Psychiatric Nurse
What’s your current relationship status? Dating casually
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Bicurious?
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 35-ish
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
My Friend’s Girlfriend
How long ago did this hookup happen? 4,5 years
What was your relationship status at the time? In a relationship (monogamous)
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than 6 months
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Amy was my colleague at work. We had met a couple of months before, right when I started working my job there. We worked at different units on the same floor of the building. From the first moment we met, we had a strong connection and we became friends quickly.
I was in a violent relationship at the time, so I often escaped the house and met up with Amy, just to be away and relax. I had issues. She had more. Her long-term relationship had just ended. We were both struggling and that’s what connected us most, probably.
Well, at some point, Amy came to a party at my house, where she met and fell in love with one of my best male friends. They started dating. He was madly in love with her. She adored him too but was afraid to commit too soon. Struggles all over.
It was in this period that she started saying that she had feelings for me. And I, blindsided by the intensity of our sudden friendship, dramatically fell in love with her. This gave me an ‘easy’ out of my own relationship but left me in paralyzing doubt as she was obviously involved with my best friend, so this was a double forbidden fruit. And thus, the recipe for only one possible result…
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? At a certain night, Amy and I and some other friends decided to go out clubbing. Like, for real. We never did that, but that night we planned to dance until the sun would rise.
This club sold really cheap drinks so we were severely intoxicated at some point.
I was having a great time, actually flirting with a super nice guy when suddenly Amy asked me the silliest question ever: do you know where the toilets are?
I was confused at first… I mean.. of course I knew, they were right over there, I pointed. How could she not know? She smiled and grabbed my hand. ‘Do you mind showing me the way?’ And instead of ‘following’ me, she just leads the way instead.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Now, this is the point where I should probably say I had never had any sexual interaction with a woman before, although I had always been attracted to women and didn’t mind the idea of it, at all. Amy knew that. We had talked about that a thousand times before. She was more experienced than I.
As soon as we got to the toilets, she pulled me into one and locked the door, and started kissing me. Me, till that point still dazed and confused, did not hesitate a second and passionately kissed her back.
Not for one second had I thought about her boyfriend, my friend, at that moment.
We kissed and kissed and kissed, and then she started feeling me up. Under my shirt, untying my bra, somewhat undressing me. Kissing my nipples, then she slowly sat down on her knees. She pulled my skirt up, my panties down, and gave me the most amazing cunnilingus (or however that’s said in English) I had EVER had. I was so drunk though, I couldn’t get an orgasm. She did such a great job that I felt urged to eventually fake one… Too bad… it still clouds the memory of that experience.
After I had ‘come’, I instigated returning the favor by getting on my knees, but then she pulled me back up and told me not to. She said she was menstruating (I’m sure she wasn’t) and we should go back. I thought that was really weird, but obviously wasn’t going to force her or something. So we went back into the club, where we had apparently been away for over an hour and all our friends had been worried and were looking for us… Ehhm oopsie.
Weirdest night ever though.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat
Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close
Did your partner have an orgasm? No
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? The next day, I felt confused. I felt actually more sorry to my friend who I knew loved her so much even though they didn’t have a strictly monogamous relationship at the time… I couldn’t bear telling him. Now, almost 5 years later, he still doesn’t know the whole story.
After this day, Amy and I never hooked up again. Not even when I stayed over and slept in bed with her after another party, some time later.
A few weeks after that night, she told my friend that she would be truly monogamous with him from then on. Exactly one week after that, I saw her playing the same trick she did to me, to another guy she had recently met. Cheating on her (by then actual) boyfriend, my best friend, in front of my eyes. On my birthday.
I actually think that was the last time we have seen each other.
Looking back, I feel kinda stupid about the whole thing. The whole time I was aware of her issues. And mine. But still, I fell for it, eyes wide open. As did she.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None, No penetrative sex happened
What were your motives for this hookup? Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Intoxication
How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I have told my one female best friend (also friends with mentioned male friend). She just laughed about it, seeing it as a real-life soap-show.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? A little bit
Why do you regret this hookup? I was so drunk and sex in a toilet is so nasty.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I am definitely sure that I am VERY sexually attracted to women too.
I loved her soft lips and her warm breasts.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Being drunk, being in a dirty toiletroom, the emotional confusion afterwards, feeling guilty towards my friend
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Not really, allthough this is one of the experiences that added up to my later conclusioon that ‘cheating’ happens to the nicests persons, which has actually made me think much lighter about that issue.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Casual sex is fine as long as there mutual consent.
I wish people would stop using sex as a way of ‘owning’ one another.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Im not sure I really get it yet, but its funny so far.
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