November 17 2007


This post is sponsored by The T Bar.


What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 32
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Ohio
Highest education received: Some college (not currently in college)
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? Three
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? Zero

November 17 2007

How long ago did this hookup happen? 8 Years

What was your relationship status at the time? Separated

How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand

How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? As far as a person’s appearance, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. She is beautiful to me, I suppose it doesn’t matter what other people think. We get so hung up on appearance. One thing that was beautiful is their personality. Giving, kindhearted, and caring about her ex-husband and their failing relationship. This was the first time I met them in person, before then we just played video games together online. I already had feelings for her after talking on the phone a little bit.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? The hookup started months before. She lived 300 miles away so we met at a hotel somewhere in the middle which happened to be Detroit. The planning was through internet chat in a video game.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We rented one of those honeymoon suites with a hot tub. We had both been traveling for hours by car to get there. I had some gift cards for restaurants so we went to eat first. We finally came back to the hotel. I had some Wild Turkey “Rare Breed” and some Killians but I didn’t drink any until later. First we got in the Hot Tub… Nude. We were talking. We were both in failed marriages. I was beyond finished with my ex-wife and couldn’t care less. But I wasn’t so sure where she stood. I made sure to ask her if this is what she wanted, I guess I am not much of a romantic. But I wasn’t just going to dive in. At this point, she gave consent. We started kissing and moved to the bed. She then fellated me for a while to get me excited. and we proceeded to unwrap a condom and engage each other. Unfortunately the first time was a bit of a let down, as I could not perform. I really felt bad about it. We then returned to the hot tub and really started to relax and wind down. We did have good sex again a couple more times after that.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After the hookup, the next day I had really mixed feelings about it. I cared about her, I wondered about her ex-husband, her family, what would happen to my video game friend. Already a heavy drinker, I was kind of depressed about it. We continued talking, and then a couple of weeks later she quit talking to me. I had no idea why, but that hurt. I ended up calling her sister and then she called me back about a week later. At this point, she was willing to give up everything to be with me. Her house, Job, everything. She came to visit me a couple times. It was hard to say goodbye because I didn’t like being alone. But by January 2007 she moved in with me. I didn’t have much to offer her either, we lived in a tiny one-bedroom apartment for a while.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms

What were your motives for this hookup? Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Thought it was an important experience to have, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely, Didn’t want to disappoint my partner, Boredom

How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I don’t really talk about it. I did admit that I met my wife in a video game to my parents. We’ve been together for 8 years now. I don’t think it matters much.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Mixed (Some positive, some negative)

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? It led to something amazing.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? It was hard to walk away at the time after the hookup was over. But we weren’t ready to merge our lives together at that point.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Not really, It’s life experience. I don’t much care what two consenting adults do behind locked doors. Safe sex is incredibly important. Sex education is incredibly important. Abstinence is a joke. Make sure your kids are sex educated, and learn about sexual morality. Make sure they can access contraceptives, and can get tested if need be. Please..

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? It changed my life.

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Monogamy has its place. No doubt. It’s the cornerstone of millions of healthy marriages. But casual sex and open relationships have their place too. Before you date and get married read the fine print. Define the terms of your relationship.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? It’s a neat website, an awesome place to go for erotic literature. And overall a good place to get information. I love listening to DR. Z.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!

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