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What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 23
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? Spain, Madrid
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Biochemistry
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? open and a bit kinky but a bit ashamed, raised in catholic school
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 20
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
One Drunk Night
How long ago did this hookup happen? 1 year
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I’m from Spain, but I was living in Paris, France. I ended up at a random party one night, very random party. I just met some guys in a bus and they invited me to a party and I went. I got drunk, and I met this guy, he was really tall, half Spanish, half French. Very weird coincidence: he used to live in Madrid, he went to school two blocks from where my school was. We had almost 5 common friends on Facebook. I was feeling lonely and drunk. He was not that handsome but nice, with tattoos all over his body, not really smart but seemed like a good person. I was very drunk and very hyped about being in Paris.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I slept with him in the only room of the house that was not open for the party, and we were not supposed to be in there. I started flirting, we made out in the kitchen, and then my memories become less clear – I guess he insisted on going to the room. When I’m drunk I rarely say no, he instigated it, but I didn’t resist. I was feeling hot and drunk and missed being touched. Then I lost my keys and he invited me over; I had no choice, since my friends were gone. Anyway I knew I kind of wanted it, even though I knew I didn’t really enjoy the sex…he was nice to me, we fucked again at his apartment, but this time I can’t almost remember anything more than he putting on a condom…I was falling asleep because of the alcohol.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? It was basically regular sex – penetration, not kinky stuff. He put his finger into my ass, which was the first time someone did that, and he didn’t ask. I felt weird, I didn’t like it and told him to stop, which he did. The first time, he was the kind of guy who has a lot of hookups, and does it often. He was an okay lover, not the best, but in my opinion one-night stands never are good. He tried to make me have fun, he was very “safe” and carried condoms around, which I like in a guy. We fucked in a bed full with the coats of all the guests of the party.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat
Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Intoxication, To feel more desirable, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it
How intoxicated were you? Completely wasted
What substances did you consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish
How intoxicated was your partner? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? A couple of friends, we laugh about the circumstances of the random party. They teased me a bit because this guy wasn’t very intelligent. I’m a scientist, speak 3 languages… I normally go for the intelligent type, not the tall tattoo-hipster-cool guy, like this one, he was the kind of guy more interested on his outfit than on his brain. He made fun of me a bit for that, that was it. Casual sex is very well seen among almost all my friends.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Mixed (Some positive, some negative)
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? A little bit
Why do you regret this hookup? As with all the one-night stands, I tend to feel bad about my self next morning. The hungover, the lack of sleep and waking up in his apartment with no keys or battery on my cell to be able to turn back to my house, didn’t help. I was educated as any European Spanish middle class girl with the double standards: “You should fight for female sexual liberation, you shouldn’t be ashamed about just enjoying your body, etc.” and “Love and sex, no guy respects a woman who fucks with anyone or because she is drunk.”
On the other hand, I really don’t enjoy sex a lot when I’m drunk. I don’t get as turned on as I would like to, not even close to climax, I don’t feel comfortable next morning being naked with someone I barely know, I don’t like the feeling of not remembering everything that happened, etc.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? When one night stands have happened to me before I normally dress up as soon as I wake up and walk away. This time I couldn’t I had lost my keys in the party, I did not know (or have the number) of any of the party hosts and I just moved to Paris so no one could open the door of my apartment for me. This guy knew the party-hosts, my only chance was to stay until he wake up and called this guys and I could go back and (hopefully) find my keys. I was mortified and terrified, but it was great, he was a nice guy, made me breakfast, we talked, and laugh and eventually have sex again. He called his friends, they found my keys but they were out and wouldn’t be back until that evening. So I spent the whole day with him, we went to the cinema, he made me lunch and we went for a walk in the middle of Paris until his friends were back. He wasn’t my type, I had no doubt, but he was a nice person, and I enjoyed be forced to get to know him a bit more.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? He wasn’t a very intelligent person, and sometimes that was really a problem. Sex was not that good, I just let my self happen… I didn’t seek to enjoy it, just to let it be. Because I flirted too much… and when I do this, sadly, then I feel like I owe them to get to th “end of it.” Sex shouldn’t about it.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I saw him a couple of times more after that, we used to meet after going out. I realized I’m the kind of person who doesn’t really enjoys sex if I don’t have familiarity enough to tell the other person what I like and how, and to take my time. He wasn’t my last one night stand. But he used to just ask for what he wanted, no matter what I thought, if I say no I say no, i learned from him that that is necessary, and I can’t do that with someone I don’t know, ergo I don’t like to have sex with people I don’t know.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think some time casual sex, at least in where I have lived (I lived in Spain, France and Holland, so I guess I have a general idea of european-young progressive and open minded idea about casual sex) casual sex is often look as a “must”, something you should do or otherwise you are close minded or old fashion… for men is definitely a must, the guy how has been since he was 15 with the same girl is regarded as “weird”, and for girls is at least a “should” if you want to be modern and progressive and a “feminist”. I’m 23 and I have had sex with 17 men (+3 only oral sex), I only had a true relationship with 3 of them, I only loved 2 of them. And I have to say that sex with this guys have been the best I ever had. I really never enjoyed sex with people I didn’t know, I enjoyed the play, the flirting, the kissing the touching, getting horny, the “morbo” of the situation (there is no way of translating “morbo” to any other language than Spanish). But then when it gets to the sex, girls (me and the friends I talked to) generally have two problems, first the feel bad about themselves like “used” because of the double moral I mentioned before. Second, because normally girls or really really know themselves sexually or they don’t enjoy drunk sex that much.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? It’s a great project
I hope I can contribute
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!