One I Regret

by Margherita

Gender: Female
Age: 30
Race/ethnicity: white (mixed European)
Location: Dublin, Ireland
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
Occupation: unemployed currently
Religious affiliation: Catholic
How religious are you? A little
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

One I Regret

How long ago did this hookup happen? 2 years ago

How would you best classify this hookup? one hour stand

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I was 28 and had been single for about 2 and a half years. After being in 2 long term relationships lasting 8 years, finding myself single at 26 for the first time since I was 18 was quite traumatic for me. I’d fallen into a pattern of casual ‘relationships’ and encounters and to be honest I wasn’t particularly having fun. Deep down I was the stereotypical girl ‘looking for love in all the wrong places.’ On the 28th of June in 2012, Italy played Germany in the European football championships, I went to a sports bar with my friends to watch it. I am half Italian and was in high spirits as Italy was doing well. When they eventually won, the crowd went crazy & I went up on a high rise stage and began to dance wrapped in an Italian flag. A good looking guy in a blue Italia jersey grabbed me and wrapped himself in the flag with me. I thought he smelt divine and danced back with him.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We were surrounded by people but the dancing got steamier. I was wearing a short dress and began to grind into him. At that time I hadn’t had any type of sexual encounter in about 6 or 7 weeks, since the last guy I had dated turned out to be a douchebag who had basically been using me. I was still feeling raw about that, and having this handsome guy hold me felt good. We began to kiss, and at this point we still hadn’t spoken a word to eachother as the music was so loud, but the kissing felt nice to say the least. I presumed he was Italian and I asked him his name, he replied ‘Davide’ in an Irish accent (I’m Irish too) and I was surprised. I said ‘Oh you’re Irish….but Davide’s an Italian name!’ He said ‘yeah I am half Italian. ‘OMG’ I exclaimed ‘so am I’… this was the first time I had met someone who was mixed the same as me actually, despite having dated a lot of Italian and Irish guys along with other nationalities. I felt some kind of bond with him, which was ridiculous in hindsight as it was hardly a big deal that we were both half Italian… but I guess I was after a hook up and I needed some justification. The music was so loud that we got off the stage and went outside. We kissed some more and he suggested I go to his place which was nearby. I hesitated as I literally only knew him about an hour, but I was kind of horny too so after 2 minutes deliberating, I said yeah. We hailed a cab and within 6 or 7 minutes we were at his apartment.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? When we got into his apartment which was nice and clean enough, I suddenly felt shy and now that we were away from the club, thoughts like ‘oh god he could kill me here and nobody would know’ ran through my head. We lay on his bed and talked for about 10 minutes about what part of Italy our fathers came from, I could sense he wasn’t that interested but I was desperately trying to make myself feel comfortable. Eventually we kissed and within seconds my clothes were off. I was suddenly awkward so he dimmed his lamp, and made jokes about my shyness. Before I knew it he had found a condom and was inside me, it was rough and hurt slightly. I made all the right noises but I wasn’t really feeling it. He came fairly quickly which was a relief in a way, we lay there for about 20 mins talking and this time he was more interested. I quickly got dressed again but he was still naked. We hugged a little and I felt more  relaxed, but a part of me  was also frustrated as I hadn’t come.

Soon we were kissing again (instigated by me). We had spoken about how we had left our respective friends back in  the club without saying anything to them and would have to go back. We  decided to have quick sex again, I don’t know why I did, I guess I was hoping the second time would be better. He flipped me onto my knees and we did it doggy style, again it hurt slightly and I didn’t orgasm, I remember  feeling degraded but that turned me on too, and later I masturbated remembering the encounter, (that actually  was much more pleasurable then the sex had been!!) Again it was over quickly and afterwards he smoked a joint. I don’t do weed but I remember taking a drag and coughing and thinking how foolish I looked. He announced it was time to leave. I felt awful – couldn’t we stay and talk some more? I wanted to get back into the bed and hug him but I knew I was being ridiculous, so I asked for two minutes to shower and went into his bathroom. It was full of women’s stuff and a feeling of dread came over me…’he has a girlfriend!’ I didn’t say anything but did ask who owned the stuff…he said nonchalantly it was his sister’s who stayed in his apartment sometimes. I didn’t believe him but I never said anything. I showered quickly and then we got a cab. He never asked for my number and this wounded me. Someone called him, and he said his friends had gone onto a different club…he would drop me back to the club we had been originally in and go on to them. He was cocky and made a joke about how Italy winning and him getting sex had made his night. I felt awful. The cab stopped, I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek and got out. That was the last I saw of him.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? I asked if he had condoms just before we did the deed, and he said yes and we used one both times without incident. We never talked about STIS although during the occasional encounter when a condom wasn’t available with other guys and I took a risk, I would ask them if they had been tested  recently etc. With this guy I didn’t think it was necessary as we were careful.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? In hindsight it was mostly loneliness and that night I had been in fake high spirits. I wasn’t happy generally with life at the time and was still getting over a guy I had dropped 6 weeks prior to that. I wanted someone to hold me and give me affection. There was an element of sexual desire too of course, but that wasn’t the main motive.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? Yes, I had drunk 8 or 9 shots of vodka and on a scale of 1 to 10 I was about an 8 in terms of drunkenness. I know if I had been sober it would never have occurred. 95% of my first time sex with a guy involves alcohol as I am quite shy. Once I have had sex the first time though I don’t really need alcohol again for subsequent encounters to loosen me up.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I got back to the club and found my friend who had been calling me repeatedly (I ignored her calls but did text her that I was ok). She was like ‘where were u?’ I had been gone about an hour and a half by this time. I just said I was  outside kissing and talking to a guy. She said ‘oh the one you were on stage dancing with – he was cute!’ I said yeah and we laughed and I bought another drink. The night was ruined though. The alcohol was starting to wear off and I felt repulsed with myself. It was still only about 12am and the club was open another 2 hours. I tried to mingle and dance, but I just wanted to go home. Eventually my friend, her boyfriend and I caught a cab…. I got in and suddenly I began to cry and cry. My friend was like ‘whats wrong?’ We stopped the cab and all 3 of us got out, and she hugged me while I sobbed.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told my friend everything and she was like ‘Oh I’m sorry I let you go. I should have been watching you blah blah…’ Her boyfriend only half caught what was going on, as we were whispering and I was embarrassed that he was there. I said ‘lets get back into the cab, this is costing a fortune’. The drive back was awkward. We reached my house first and my friend hugged me saying she would call me the next day. She was sympathetic, while her boyfriend still didn’t really fully know what was going on, I don’t know what the cab driver must have been thinking at this point!

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? It was consensual in that I consented, but it was for the wrong reasons and driven by alcohol. He was just after sex and had no other motives. Whereas I wanted affection, and I went to the wrong guy at the wrong time and deep down I knew it.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? Yes and I cried all night. It took me a few weeks to get over the feeling of regret. I felt like an unpaid prostitute. I had one-night stands both before and after this encounter, but never so rushed and I always stayed the entire night. I realized that the ‘wham bham thank you ma’am’ attitude had hurt me the most and the fact that the whole thing lasted an hour and a half made me feel worthless. I also replayed the moment I found the women’s stuff in his bathroom over in my head and I hated my stupidity.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? The best thing was masturbating about it in the weeks afterwards, which is ironic I know as it was such hurried and lackluster sex, but whilst the feeling of being used hurt me emotionally, it turned me on sexually and I liked to replay that when I made myself come. The worst thing was feeling stupid and cheap. I did become a lot more selective after it happened. In 2 years I have had only 2 more one-night stands (both a lot more slow paced and less hurried than that encounter) and the last one was over a year ago. I feel I’m over that whole scene now. It was a moment when I realized that casual sex can have its uses, but it really isn’t ‘me’. I can’t say I will never have another one-night stand, but I know I won’t do it like that again for sure. I did learn something from it though I guess and that’s something good.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Very negative

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