One Night with a Friend

by Hannah

What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 21
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Australia
What country and/or city do you live in? Sydney, Australia
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Medical Receptionist
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Very
What’s your sexual orientation? Bisexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 4
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

One Night with a Friend

How long ago did this hookup happen? 6 months ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Single

How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For more than 3 years

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I knew him quite well – we went to neighboring high schools and we worked at the same grocery store together, so we had a lot of mutual friends and went to the some of the same parties. He was/is very attractive, (he’s Caucasian, medium hight, fit and often has a beard). Many of my friends were also attracted to him. He and I had become friends and talked over Facebook a lot when I was 17, we both went to a friend’s 18th and went home together. We kissed and grinded against each other (basically sex with clothes on), but I said no to anything more. Afterwards, he stopped talking to me. Fast-track three years and we’re living in the same city, we have a seemingly good friendship as we get along, and have somewhat remained in contact over the years. Before the recent hook up I enjoyed his company and respected him, but still had some hurt feelings of rejection.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We hadn’t seen each other in about 6 months so we decided to go out and catch up for dinner. The hookup wasn’t planned – we had a really great night with good, open, honest conversations about our own personal relationship life; so our history and the people we were currently interested in (he was seeing someone casually that he wasn’t too sure about). I gave him frank advice about how his standards are unrealistic and often too high. We drank a lot of alcohol, caught a taxi to his place where I was going to sleep in the spare room… but then he instigated.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? My memory is a little hazy on the night, but I think we had regular sex first and then oral sex, where I gave him a blow job, and then normal sex again. He had 2-3 orgasms, I wasn’t even close to 1. I stayed the night and we cuddled, the next morning I gave him a blow job.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat

Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I felt excited about the hookup the next day, we had had a really good time and he talked about going surfing together soon, me meeting his parents, etc. That was probably a little more than what I was interested in, but I was definitely keen to continue hanging out. I really enjoyed his company and got the honest impression that he enjoyed mine. That is why I was disappointed when I never heard from him again and had old feelings of rejection, hurt and anger come back.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Withdrawal, Condoms

What were your motives for this hookup? Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more, Intoxication, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, Peer pressure, Didn’t want to disappoint my partner, Revenge / Getting even, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it

How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? Drunk/high but not wasted

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They initiated, so I assume that was a clear consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told my Mum about the hookup, she was a little shocked and asked a lot of questions about whether or not I would see him again, what he was like, etc. I told Mum that I saw myself marrying him! I also told my friends who knew him and they were excited because they thought he was really attractive. I also told my other friend who didn’t know him and she was surprised, but did not judge.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Mixed (Some positive, some negative)

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The company was the best thing about the hookup, spending time with him and getting to know him a bit more, even if it was just as a friend.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Not hearing from him again; even if we never had sex again, I thought we were friends.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes, I felt like I was too easy. I had reservations about sleeping with him and I should have been confident enough to say no. I need to make sure I trust a potential sexual partner to not take advantage of me or make me feel used before having sex with them, in most cases this would be someone who I was in a relationship with or loved. I can’t see myself having casual sex in the near future again. In saying that, I don’t regret it and I enjoyed it.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? As a Christian, I am conflicted with regards to sex outside of marriage. I believe sex was designed to be between a man and a woman (I say this as an in the closet bisexual, I do not believe it is a sin to be attracted to or love people of the same sex). I believe that to have pure sex it should be between two people who are committed to each other and married in the eyes of the Lord and not necessarily married on paper. I believe that a loving committed relationship is the best place for a sexual relationship to take place, be explored and thrive. However, I do not recognise that being in a relationship isn’t synonymous with having a sex drive. I realise the importance individual sexuality and my lines are a little blurred with what and what is not okay as a single person. Personally, I am not a fan of casual sex as I need to be able to trust someone and have emotional intimacy with them before I a) find myself in a situation where sex is even an option and b) enjoy the sex. I know that I don’t enjoy sex with a stranger and that I enjoy it much much better when it is with someone I care about because I have experienced both and this is the conclusion I have come up with as a result.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? A really good idea, curious to know about what other people think as it is such a taboo subject.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!