by Conference Prisoner
What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 38
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Colorado Springs, CO
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Consultant
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 30
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
Quick Hotel Hookup
How long ago did this hookup happen? 6 years
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? As with most of my casual sexual encounters, we met through an online dating site. We chatted online for a couple weeks. He lived in Denver…I was an hour or so south in Colorado Springs. He had invited me up to his place late one night…promised to leave the door open and asked me to let myself in. I made the drive…and couldn’t get a response to my text. Thought he blew me off…but he insisted afterwards that he’d fallen asleep…I chalked it up to wasted gas and a missed opportunity.
He was boy-next-door cute – blond…muscular…stocky…great smile. An outdoor guide who took people fishing and hunting for a living, he was frat boy adorable…and a few years younger than me…
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I was scheduled to be in downtown Denver for a big conference. We had already misaligned for one hookup, but he was insistent. He kept messaging…asking if there was any way we could make it happen…he was so sorry he fell asleep on me before. He was headed to Alaska to work for the season and wanted to see me before he boarded the plane in the morning. So he met me in the lobby of the hotel…I walked off the elevator and saw him waiting…looking expectantly for someone who looked like my pictures. We saw each other across the foyer…and awkward hello hug…and we headed upstairs to my suite.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? It was simple enough…he’d been asking for a massage for two weeks during our online chats. It seemed like a logical way to break the ice. Laying on the cushy bed in the dimmed hotel room, I was able to explore his body…it was almost platonic, but not quite. We talked – about his trip the next morning…about my work conference…about nothing really. Eventually, we gave each other oral…it was brief and unremarkable. We had vaginal sex…he was young…clumsy…too quick…not savoring the act. Afterwards, we cuddled a bit then he left, needing to leave for the airport in a few hours. We kissed goodbye, promising to stay in touch via IM. I think we talked a couple times afterwards…but we never saw each other again.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? A little
Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? Nothing happened after. We chatted via IM a couple times, but never saw each other again. I had no expectations from the encounter. He was cute…physically attractive…but I knew we had nothing in common and there was nothing there, long-term. It was more fulfillment of a fantasy than anything…a night of sex in a hotel with a sexy stranger.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant, Discussed STI testing history
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I may have told the story to other potential partners when they asked about “hot” or “wild” things I’ve done sexually…but otherwise, I haven’t talked about it with anyone.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The spontaneity…the fantasy element
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The sex was mediocre, at best
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Not particularly
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I was married/attached for 12 years…from 18 to just prior to my 32nd birthday. My ex was the only man I was with sexually until I was nearly 32. Sex was painful…rarely satisfying…contentious…during our marriage. I spent a decade of my life thinking I was broken…undesirable…unable to enjoy sex.
Since my separation, I have discovered that I am not only unbroken, men desire me and I adore sex. I have had a couple longer term relationships…I have had several casual hookups, one night stands, friends with benefits arrangements. I have had a lot of sex since my divorce. I’ve made terrible decisions. I’ve had STD scares…pregnancy scares…I’ve been stupid, considering how intelligent and educated I’m supposed to be. I’ve done it because I thought sex would lead to emotional fulfillment…that I wouldn’t feel so lonely…vulnerable…alone. Unfortunately, casual sex hasn’t done any of that. I still enjoy sex, but ultimately, I want a committed longterm monogamous relationship. Am I ashamed of the sexual decisions I’ve made the last 7 years? No. Do I resent that if I was candid about my sexual activity, I’d be judged as a whore/slut by most people? Hell, yeah. I resent that sexual freedom is automatically denounced as promiscuity. I make the decision to have sex very consciously. It’s MY decision…my body to share…my action to enjoy. Sharing myself with a man is one part empowerment, one part vulnerability. But it’s my choice…for better or worse.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it’s an innovative qualitative approach to collecting data about a very real phenomena. With the proliferation of online dating, casual sex is rampant…with men…women…single people…married people…heterosexuals…homosexuals. It’s increased prevelance is a double-edged sword. On one hand, sexual freedom is on the rise. On the other, so are STDs. The online world has encouraged recklessness shrouded in anonymity. The public health implications are most likely pretty drastic, long term…
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