Regret & Relieve

by HarryM

What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 29
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? Germany
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Engineer
What’s your current relationship status? Dating casually
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 23
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 8

Regret & Relieve

How long ago did this hookup happen? Sep 2014

What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status

How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a month

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I met her over tinder. She chatted me up, we were chatting for about a month, first on tinder, then over whatsapp. She was 37 (I was 27 at the time), well educated and into the same things concerning arts, music, etc. I thought she was quite beautiful, but it’s hard to described what actually attracted me at first. Might be that she was hard to read and very reluctant but had this view you could tell she was dirty and sexual. And the texting got really dirty as well. She sent me pictures of her in her bathing suit were she was obviously wet and sent me some nudes of her prior to seeing each other. She always thought she was not attractive actually, but I liked the pictures. We met up on a drink in a typical german beer garden, had a nice chat over 2-3 hours (can’t remember actually) and decided to meet up again. We met up again as she was on her way home from a friend to her place and she had to stop at the city where I lived (we live 30km apart). We met up at a bar, had some food and drinks and she already missed one train to get back to hers. So I decided to walk a bit around town but told her, that I had to get home just real quick to turn off my laundry machine, because eveybody knows, that’s the main reason for municipal fires. And there we went…

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I turned off the laundry machine, she was an interiour architect and I asked her to look around. She was not too responding, but I was insisting and got a kiss from her, with her trying to reject me at first, but then I „convinced“ her somehow. So I very much instigated it. We briefly made out and then went to bed.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? I guess she had not too much self esteem about her body and skills so I made her a lot of compliments and she finally felt comfortable with the situation, I guess (I hope). I got down on her for quite a while since she mentioned she loves that, not sure whether she came, then we went to sex and I was about to put on a condom and she said she didn’t like condoms, what I thought was kind of strange. I put it on anyways, she ways really tight and I came quite fast, put a another condom on and continued having sex. I think it was about 15min of normal missionary sex. Then she had to leave to get her train.
Sounds not too spectacular but I really liked it, especially her vagina. She had a fragile response to what I did that I really liked as well.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

Did your partner have an orgasm? I don’t know

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? She left and we decided to meet up again, which we did. She invited me to her place and made dinner. I was really horny in prior but the moment I arrived it was sort of distant. We had a bit of dinner but I decided to leave her place since I didn’t get into the mood of having sex with her again, which I kind of regret now. We should’ve had a quickie, then have dinner, and then have sex again, so the whole set up would’ve been more relaxed, but anyways, I left because I didn’t feel comfortable.
I would have loved to put more effort into it myself, cause now I think she might be a person to learn from, in some way. Also, I left her quite assholish with the food, without giving too much explanation, etc. I totally don’t regret hooking up with her this one time, but I regret how I ended it. We chatted briefly afterwards, but I guess she’s pissed, which is fine. She also unfriended me on facebook.

About a year later I found this page, the “casual sex project”. I typed down the hook-up with her and sent it to her over whatsapp without any comment. She reacted indifferent, asking what it’s suppose to mean after a year had passed. That led to very intense and sexual texting again and in the end we met up again in early Jan 16 and are fuck buddies since then…

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection

How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Somewhat

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but didn’t give a ‘no’

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? A close friend. He knows me, so no particular reaction to this one.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Neutral

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The Sex.
That we were able to refresh it after 18 months,

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The time in between. I felt really aweful after I had left her that way that one night when she’d made dinner. It really bothered me so I felt I should let her know about my thoughts so I sent her the pdf-document with my answers to the questions set up here. Luckily, it turned out all good.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Nope

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? This project literally gained me a fuck buddy by answering your questions and spreading them. Quite funny, I think.

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Do as you please

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? love it!

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!