by Expat Engineer
What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 39
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Asia
What country and/or city do you live in? Kuwait
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Engineer
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Somewhat
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 50+
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
Sex with Expats Around the World
How long ago did this hookup happen? Last week
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Dating in the US was okay, but never great. Most women I met seemed caught up in their career, or they were not interested in anything long term with me. Finding a meaningful relationship leading to marriage started looking pointless. Two years ago, I said screw it. Might as well further my career and take that job relocation to Kuwait. I am an engineer who has traveled for my job, but I was always based in the US, hoping to settle down in my hometown. Now I was going for an expat position. How long? We’ll see. Moving here turned out to be an excellent move. I should have done this years ago! The expat community here is really cool. Some things suck. Expats know it and have their stories to share. That’s what connects us. There is no shortage of expat women looking to date a guy from America, hoping it will lead to marriage and a ticket to a better life. Alternatively, many expats are just looking to hookup to alleviate the loneliness or the boredom. I can find dates every night of the week, if only I had more free nights. I met “Jay” online. 25 years old, nice build, working as a nanny here. She was very attractive. My definition of attractive has expanded since I have met many young, earnest and motivated women from all over the world here. This hookup is very much like many of the hookups I’ve had since I got here.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We agreed to meet in person on a week night. Here, there is not much distinction between weekend or weeknight because everyone has a different work schedule. We had dinner. We had lots of good laughs sharing stories about our experiences since moving here. We talked about out home countries. There is always an excitement when connecting socially like this. The chemistry was good. I invited her back to my place. Going back to your place is common here. There aren’t many options for public places to socialize here, like a bar scene or anything like that. Also, no one does long walks outside, because it is so hot and really dusty outside. Women have no issues about spending time in your private apartment.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We sat on the sofa and talked a bit more. Then she started taking off her clothes to have sex. When I went on my first date out here two years ago, I was blown away that this happened so easily like this. I later realized that I come across as a responsible guy with a good job and “respectable” life interests. To some of these women, having sex is just a part of going out on a date. Put out to show that you are interested, see if you are sexually compatible. Just to be clear, this is no sex paradise, and it is not easy to just come here to get laid. These circumstances arise from the mutual state of life we find ourselves in as we end up here. Connections happen when there is this mutual bond. This kind of date doesn’t always happen but it happens enough for me to not view this as extraordinary. You learn to know when to expect it. She gave me a blowjob. Then we switched and I ate her out. Some women here are surprised and love this. It looks like this is not what they expect. Then we engaged in sex. We started with missionary, then switched to doggystyle. Having sex with a woman I just met so soon is a real turn on. I always very much enjoy the experience each time I am with a new woman. I look for what it is about a woman that turns me on and I focus on that. In the case of “Jay” it was her friendly personality. So I focused on communication. I ask her what she likes and I tell her what I like as we go at it.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one
Did your partner have an orgasm? I don’t know
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After we finish, we took a shower together. I took her home and said good night. I never think about where things will go while on a date or while having sex. I enjoy the moment and make the best effort to show that if the chemistry is good, I am interested in something long term and willing to go there. This helps move the date and the experience forward. After she left, I relax and consider what to do next. In this case with Jay, while things were good, she wasn’t quite what I was looking for. So I didn’t make any effort to contact her after that.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Learning new things, experimenting
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I don’t talk to people about my sex life.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Good sex after a good first date where there is a lot of friendly communication.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I never know if the woman was hurt or had more expectations for things to come after. I usually never hear from them either.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I want a long term relationship, but I used to think that sex came after there was an ongoing dating relationship, Out here, there are a lot of women who have sex as part of a first date. I don’t see this as slutty at all. It seems to be a part of the dating process. It certainly has lowered my hang-ups about seeking someone with potential as a long term partner first before getting sexual. Long term relationship potential is so hard to find that if you use it as the starting point, sex will never happen. I do admit that I now pick women that I would not have chosen to date in the past, just so I can have the opportunity to have sex. However, I do give the date a fair chance. I have had more partners in any month over the last two years than I had at any other year in my earlier life. These dates have seriously opened my mind up about the types of women I am open to having a long term relationship with.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Sex is so stuck up in North America. If you are good looking, extroverted, in a good social group, then you have no problem. If not, you are pretty left out, not just with sex, but also with relationships. Changing my lifestyle to one where we are in an expat milieu has freed up a lot of boundaries. No one knows what to expect and social mores are more relaxed. I wish it was like that when I was growing up.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? A good way for me to share this otherwise I wouldn’t be telling anyone.
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