Stuck in the Virgin Vault

by Samantha

Race/ethnicity: White
Location: NY
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
Occupation: Student
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Somewhat
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexual orientation/sexuality better/best? Virgin
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None

Stuck in the Virgin Vault

How long ago did this hookup happen? Fall 2013

How would you best classify this hookup? Between a booty call/one-night stand

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He was the kinda guy that looked like shit during the week, but cleaned up really well on the weekends, especially with some beer goggles. Tall, skinny, runner/swimmer build. Oddly enough, we were from the same area back home and went away to the same small college, and even with a bunch of mutual friends, we had never met until junior year, out at the bar. I knew of him, because he was sort of notorious around campus, and I most certainly didn’t think he knew who I was. I’d never really considered him an option because he just wasn’t relevant to me; different majors, different worlds.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? He sorta came out of nowhere and grabbed me at the bar and started making out with me. I pushed the encounter to grinding because making out in the bar was embarrassing to me.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? As the night came to a close, he asked me to go home with him. Normally this would never cross my mind but I decided to take a chance and do something I wouldn’t normally do. Plus I felt OK because my friend was going back with her FWB [Friends With Benefits] in the same building. We got back to the apartment and went to his room. We made out for a little while. I stopped him and told him I was not going to have sex with him. If that’s what he expected, I would leave, or I could stay and we could have a little fun. I was extremely nervous because this was my first ever hookup and I didn’t know what I was doing. After making out naked for bit, I told him the truth as to why I felt I couldn’t have sex with him: because I was a Virgin. I had stayed a virgin, waiting for the right guy all through high school and college thus far. I wasn’t blowing it on a drunken sexcapade. He was shocked at hearing this and very surprised I was still a virgin. I literally think I have carpal tunnel. I’m still painting. He ended up fingering and then asking me to leave abruptly.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? He tried to convince me to have sex. Neither of us had a condom, he offered to pull out, I laughed and said no (even though I had already decided against sleeping with him). I was not on the pill either. He knew I was clean because I was a virgin, but I had no idea of his record.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? I was sick of being the prude, of my friends. I wasn’t trying to lose my virginity but trying to gain some sexual experience. I had never done anything more than kiss a guy before and I wanted to learn how to handle myself, and gain more confidence. I also was sick of my friends getting laid and having fun while I was always left alone at the end of the night.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? Alcohol, yes. Quite a lot. Neither of us were blacked-out or anything. We still had good motor skills but inhibitions were down, definitely.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After the hook up things were really awkward. On a small campus everyone knows your business. And now everyone knew I was a virgin. I was teased by a few people, but it was whatever. He and I didn’t acknowledge each other when sober and only a passing hey when we were out. I think it’s sad things ended up this way because he could have been a wonderful FWB. It could have lasted all year round and I genuinely wanted to get to know him. I wasn’t necessarily looking to date or a relationship but I thought things could have worked out better.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I talked about it with all my friends, mostly because I live with them all so they already knew the basics. They were proud of me for putting myself out there and coming out of my shell. They were also protective of me and my feelings, and didn’t really care for how he treated me. They gave him and his friends a lot of crap about it.

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? I think for me, it turned out for the best. For him, he just wanted to get laid so, no.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? I do and I don’t. I think things ended up embarrassing. But it was a good learning experience.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? The best was that it was my first hook up! It was exciting and passionate and scary all wrapped into one. It made me feel like a real college girl. The worst part was the way he treated me rudely, and rumors were spread. It has changed how I think about casual sex. I think it’s necessary in college.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup or anything else? Hooking up in college is the norm. Everyone is doing it. But I feel trapped by my virginity. I feel like I can’t even initiate a hook up, because if I don’t have sex the guy will get mad. Hand-jobs are no longer acceptable as the only thing to do in a hook up because “they can do that themselves.” And I have never given a blow job so I am not confident enough to attempt that. And I don’t want to have sex with a rando. It leaves me feeling trapped, stuck and oppressed by the intangible object of virginity. Even my friends agree that being in my position does suck, but they also agree that I shouldn’t throw it away either. So basically, being a virgin in college is awful and the hookup culture doesn’t lend itself to gaining sexual experience.

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