The Break

by Monique

Age: 29
Race/ethnicity: Black
Location: Farmington, Michigan
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
Occupation: Attorney
Religious affiliation: Baptist
How religious are you? Very
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

The Break

How long ago did this hookup happen? 4 days

How would you best classify this hookup? one-night stand

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? My partner was attractive, 5’11 with a great smile. I did not know him well at all. He approached me outside while I was reading. When he approached me this was the first time that we met. We both happened to be attending a conference and he decided to come over and speak. I liked him. I found him to be intellectually engaging and physically attractive.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? The hookup began in the restaurant that he met me at later on in the day, after we initially met. He met me there while I was meeting a  friend, and once my friend left we stayed to talk and began making out. We left the restaurant and continued making out in very public places. He drove me back to where I was staying which allowed the makeout session to become more. I never thought that this would occur from our meeting. I mean there was sexual chemistry but I did not think I would indulge in the feeling especially since I had been celibate for 11 months. If he had not kissed me I do not think we would have engaged in sex.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? During the hookup both oral and vaginal intercourse took place. I felt attractive, alive and wanted during the hookup. I did feel weird since I did not know him but I did not feel scared. I did orgasm and I believe he did as well. He behaved well, for the circumstances. He held me for a while and then fell asleep. The next morning he left with a hug and kiss and that was it.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? Before we engaged in sex we both spoke about our dislike for condoms. We did not use condoms but I have an IUD. We asked each other when was the last time we were tested for STIs including HIV.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? I had not had a man touch me or want me for a long time and it felt good. I gave into my base need and fleshly desires. I believe he did the same. We are both attractive people and had sexual chemistry and decided to indulge in our wants at the time.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? I had two drinks before he arrived at the restaurant and one drink when he arrived. I also had 5 glasses of water in between. He had (to my knowledge) no alcohol.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After the hookup I packed up and got on a flight back to my home. I felt empty because it was not what I needed. I want a relationship and that was not it. It was just fulfilling a want. I was sad and I am sad about the situation because I did think that something would come from it. I had hopes that we could begin talking and possibly dating since I do travel back and forth to his city a lot. I am not mad at him for deciding to not continue to contact me. I am indifferent to the situation and to him but I do still think of him. I mean it only has been four days but I have to say I learned that I need to be guarded.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I discussed the occurrence with my best friends, most of them were happy for me because they know that I had not had any relations for awhile. They believe that this would be an impetus to get me to date. One friend was totally upset by the situation and lectured me on the bad choice I made. I do understand her side but I informed her that I am a big girl and the way she is making it seem is that I am not  in control.

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? Yes it was consensual.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? Yes, I do because I wanted to wait until I was in a serious relationship before I indulged in this activity. I had given up sex and intimacy for a reason and because one attractive man said the right things I gave up my convictions for that. I feel upset by the circumstance but I also learned from the situation.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? The best thing about the hookup was the foreplay. It was great being wanted or feeling that way. It was a great story. The worst part of the hookup was the fact that I gave up my convictions for something fleeting. I feel stupid. This experience definitely has made me stop and think of myself and my actions. I used to think I was a pragmatist and it seems that I am an optimist and that is not necessarily a positive for me because I do not want to be hurt.

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup or anything else? I want this to be my last hookup.

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