What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 25
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? North Carolina
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (currently pursuing)
What’s your occupation? Student
What’s your current relationship status? Dating casually
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Very
What’s your sexual orientation? Bisexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Aromantic
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? ~10
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
The College Experience I Never Had
How long ago did this hookup happen? 2 weeks
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? My partner for this encounter was a friend of my friends partner. He is tall and lean and athletic. I had never met him before I went to a celebration at my friends place. When I first walked into the room, I was sort of scouting to have a sexual encounter, because the plan was to stay the night and go on a group trip the next day. I immediately picked him out as someone I found sexually attractive, but also knew there was a possibility that he might have some characteristics of toxic masculinity that I usually avoid, so I spent the first while seeing how he interacted with the room before I made up my mind to pursue him.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We were playing games, and I was sitting near him but not close enough to be touching him. I started with some casual touching, where I would extend my leg and brush his knee or calf. It became apparent quickly that he was receptive, because I would leave my leg close to his, and he’d reach from his chair (I was sitting on the floor) to rub my leg or shoulder. We also started making eye contact. The party turned into something that was very similar to an undergraduate party, where we were reliving nostalgic times by playing beer pong. At one point, others playing the game left the room for something, and he kissed me, aggressively and intensely. I was glad it happened, I probably would have instigated it if he hadn’t. My friend asked me afterward if it was what I wanted, and I felt completely safe and supported to make my own decision about what was happening.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? When we headed to bed, we almost immediately stripped, and started with some great making out. He started to go down on me for a short bit, but I wanted the intensity of quick and dirty sex. He wore a condom, and I got what I wanted. In the night, I woke up and initiated making out, and he suggested shower sex, which was something I hadn’t been into before, but I was game. Finally, that morning, we didn’t have any condoms left, but we were both ready for more, so he gave me multiple orgasms with his hands, and I gave him head until he came as well. I had a great time, it was exactly what I had hoped for, and an experience I didn’t get in undergrad because I was bound up by my views on sexual purity, or I was in a relationship. He wasn’t the best lover I’ve had, but he was very satisfactory. That morning, I asked him “This is just sex, right? I’m not looking for anything else”, and he confirmed.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I suspect he felt a little awkward, because he avoided eye contact when we were hanging out with our friends. I felt great, it was sexually satisfying and allowed me to live a fantasy I had starting in undergrad but had never gone through with. I expect that I will never see this person again, or if I do, it’ll be under similar mutual friends situations, and I am completely fine with that.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, IUD (Intrauterine device), Discussed STI testing history, Exchanged recent STI test results
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Thought it was an important experience to have, To feel more confident, It was easy / convenient
How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Nobody except this partner, they were enthusiastic about it
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? It allowed me to live a fantasy that I had repressed or been unable to experience in college of the spontaneous sex with no emotional entanglements
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I wish that I had had one less drink, I think that I would have been able to experience the pleasure more because I would have been more in tune with my body.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Not at all
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? For me, casual sex has helped me identify and come to terms with my identity as an aromantic person. I love sex, and have a high sex drive, but I always felt confused and uncomfortable with the long term romantic relationships I had been in. I would like to see more people be comfortable with the idea of others (or themselves) having casual sex, not because I think that is the right thing for everyone, but I know that if I had been exposed to those ideas earlier in my life, I would have been saved a lot of guilt and self destructive thoughts on how I am supposed to feel about relationships and sex.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Love it, thanks for your work!
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