The Drummer

by Jacrou

Gender: Female
Age: 45
Race/ethnicity: Caucasian
Current location: New Zealand
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
Occupation: Company director
Relationship status: Single
Religious affiliation: None
How religious are you? Not at all
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 36
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 12

The Drummer

How long ago did this hookup happen? 22 years

How would you best classify this hookup (e.g., one-night stand, fuck-buddies, friends-with-benefits, booty call, sex with an ex, short fling; paid sex…)? One night stand (aborted)
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? This was my year of discovering the one night stand. I’ve posted 2 other stories already about one night stands in the same year, one which was fantastic and one which was nice.  I was definitely on the look out for one night stand opportunities around this time.

I went to a house party with a friend and I was in a bit of a crazy mood.  I hoped I’d meet someone.  We took a bottle of gin with us to share but I was drinking too fast, I was just in a stupid mood. I got drunk really fast and I was in the kitchen talking to this guy who I think was as drunk as me, he had a bottle of bourbon which seemed to be disappearing fast.  He was a musician type, a drummer, long brown hair, average height and I liked him I think. We liked the same music, and had some interests in common, at least as much as I can remember.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I was so drunk that I have no idea how things evolved, other than at some point we left the party together. I didn’t tell my friend anything about it.  He lived somewhere near the party so we staggered off to his place.  I remember going inside and into the lounge of his flat where some other people were and saying hi, then going to his room.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Somehow we got undressed and were in the bed together kissing. His room was dark and my head was spinning.  I remember fucking in missionary for a while, and then I remember being on top of him.  I was trying to ride him but feeling sick and disorientated.

Suddenly it was like a fog lifted and I just had this thought: what am I doing here?  I’m not enjoying this.  I climbed off him and said: I’m sorry, I have to go now.  I was hunting around his room for my clothes and found them except I couldn’t find my bra.  I was so desperate to get out of there I decided to just leave it. Once I was dressed, I headed for the door of his bedroom and tripped right over his drum kit knocking it all over and landing on my butt on the floor.  I staggered out into the hall and then out the front door.  I vomited on his verandah then went out into the street.

I then walked around the streets in the dark for quite a while, I was really lost and didn’t know where I was.  I started crying and felt utterly desperate.  Then suddenly my friend materialised out of nowhere. She had been hunting the streets for me after I disappeared from the party, along with a guy she had just met at the party who turned out to be her boyfriend for years to come and who is still a good friend to both of us now.   I remember collapsing in her arms crying.  “I’ve lost my earring” I said.  She said: don’t worry about it.  “And I’ve lost my bra!” I wailed.  She is a really fantastic friend, I was so happy to see her.

Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? No neither of us

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? Did not discuss (I don’t think).  I was on the pill.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? I had had some positive experiences of one night stands and was hoping to recreate those.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? Yes.  We were both exceptionally drunk.  Way too drunk to decide on doing this kind of thing or to actually do it well.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I cried pretty much the whole next day.  I felt really bad about myself.  I learnt a valuable lesson about drinking and casual sex which is that for me at least, I still need to like the person I’m having casual sex with so if I can’t remember them, I don’t feel good about it (although that didn’t prevent me from making the same mistake again, see “Disaster”).

Things got worse though. A week or so later I was having a drink with my younger sister and she was talking about a guy she had a crush on. Actually she’d told me about him before but I hadn’t been paying enough attention.  He had the same name as the guy I’d had this bad drunken hookup with, and was also a drummer.  I went out with my sister a lot, and most of the time she was trying to run into this guy she had a crush on. I was now faced with the awful prospect it might be the same guy so I was trying to avoid it.

Some months later I was at a bar with my sister and she said: oh it’s him! I had my back to her as I was ordering drinks at the bar and he was on his way over.  I turned around, absolutely freaking out to meet this guy (C) .  I had been so drunk that night that I couldn’t really remember the guy, but I thought I would recognise him if I saw him.  But when I saw C I didn’t recognise him at all.  And likewise I didn’t spot any recognition in his expression either. What an absolute relief!

My sister and I went on to spend a little time with C and his friend/flatmate M(although nothing ever evolved). Eventually M started dating another friend of ours, and a few years later my sister and I ended up flatting overseas with our friend and M.  One night when I was out with M, he confessed to me that he had met me before but thought I didn’t remember.  Oh?  I said.  He told me he’d been in the lounge of his flat when his flatmate C brought a girl home from a party and introduced her in the lounge, and it was me.  He said we had both been pretty drunk.  I was horrified to think that I had been friends with C and M all this time and couldn’t even remember that it was C I’d had this bad hookup with.  M thought it was so funny and told me that C didn’t remember either. He’d been keeping it to himself for years!   The funniest part was that C had been blamed for the vomit on the verandah and had to clean it up the next day, when in fact it was me.

Oddly enough, I ended up feeling better about this bad hookup because in the years after I had got to know C and he is a good guy.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? No one except my dear friend who rescued me.

Much later, M, who filled me in on the details.

And finally, when enough time had gone by I told my sister and we had a good laugh about it.

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? Yes, to the extent we were capable.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? Yes I do. A waste of time and a very stupid thing to do.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Nothing good

embarrassment and feeling bad.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Not at all positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Fairly negative

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