The Out of Towner

by Sarah

Gender: Female
Age: 28
Race/ethnicity: Caucasian
Location: Virginia
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
Occupation: Self-employed/customer service
Religious affiliation: N/A
How religious are you? A little
Sexual orientation: Mostly heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexual orientation/sexuality better/best? Mostly heterosexual/homo-romantic
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? Zero

The Out of Towner

How long ago did this hookup happen? 6 years ago

How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Mike was 13 years older than I was, which was great because I am into older guys. He was tall, and a good size weight for his height, no rock solid body or anything. He had dark hair with a little bit of salt and pepper going on (the sexy kind, not old man kind). We met at a bar and I did not know him before and it was just a random hookup.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I had gone to one of the local bars with my friend and he was there with his coworkers. His job required traveling and he just happened to be in town working. My friend and I were standing beside him and his coworkers when he started talking to me. Usually I am not about getting hit on in bars, but I had had a couple of drinks already and he seemed to be genuinely nice. He actually sat and talked to me about college of all things. I come from a family who actually told me that I didn’t need an education. Being that I have always done really well in school, I have always been passionate about my education. This guy was the first person sadly to ever take the time out to listen to me and encourage me and share his own story. Big bonus points for him! Anyways he invited me back to his hotel room which I accepted. He was staying at a five star hotel which was awesome.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? When we got to the hotel room it was kind of awkward because he wanted me to say “oh Mikey” out loud over and over. Nothing strange, just something I wouldn’t ask a one night stand to do. We ended up having vaginal intercourse and I spent the night with him. The sex was great, but I did not orgasm, which is the norm for me. I find sex can be great without climax too. He did have an orgasm. Afterwards he was very comforting and held me and talked to me in the same manner as if he was still trying to pick me up. We mostly talked about what his travel schedule was like and he kept reiterating that I was a great person and was encouraging. He wanted me to go to breakfast with him before he had to go to work but I was hungover and wanted to go home and sleep so I declined. We texted and talked over the phone as well as Facebook a few times, but our lives went separate ways. He asked to see me and spend more time together, but at that point I wasn’t sure who I was or what I wanted, but knew that I didn’t just want to be friend with benefits, so I cut my losses.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? We used a condom and I don’t remember whether we discussed STIs or not.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? I thought he was cute, nice and I was just looking to have a good time.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? Yes alcohol definitely played a part with how the night ended. I don’t think I would have been so open to allowing it otherwise, even though I wanted it to happen. There were quite a few drinks, but no black out moments or anything.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After the hookup we went our separate ways. We both have children, I’ve been married and divorced and he is in a long term relationship with the mother of his children. We didn’t live in the same state and I was interested in partying and having fun more than anything else. I didn’t know if it would go anywhere, but I didn’t want to be sitting at home waiting on him to get off work and call or wonder if there were other girls in other towns if it did lead somewhere. I think that’s my biggest regret. Had I known then what I know now, I would have snatched him up because he is a great guy!

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My friend who was with me that night heard all of the details, but hooking up is more her game so she was unimpressed yet kind of shocked at my choice.

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? It was consensual and wanted by both parties.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? No regrets with this hookup. It was very positive.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? The best thing about the hookup was meeting a great person who was like nobody else I had ever met. The calling out his name and not allowing myself to see where the hookup could go was the worst. The hookup definitely made me change the way I felt about myself. It was the first hookup I had where I didn’t feel used and there weren’t strings attached so there weren’t any lost feelings or feelings of guilt.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positiveAll things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup or anything else? Not all hookups are positive. In fact the majority of the ones I have had haven’t been. I think it’s because most of the other ones were with people I had feelings for or I was so drunk that I can’t remember and feel ashamed. If people are able to enjoy someone’s company for a night with zero expectations or feelings involved, I think hookups can be healthy.

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