This post is sponsored by The T Bar.
What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 24
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your current relationship status? Single
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 12
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
How long ago did this hookup happen? couple of days
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? didn’t know the guy at all. He is a whole lot older than the limit I have set for myself (must be closer to my age than that of my parents’), but looked like “my type”. We met at a workshop, I enjoyed the fact that he found me attractive, but other than that I had no reaction to him.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? we both attended a touch workshop, which was very interesting and very thought-provoking for me. We continued to talk and I offered tee at my place. I thought it might sound like an invitation, but it was an interesting talk. We had tee for 3 hours, in which he mostly talked, than he initiated the touch.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? mutual oral, anal.
I was very surprised he didn’t want me to move, and said “I don’t like it when they move”. He was a bit violent, and I felt uncomfortable to tell him he exaggerated. The cuddling and the touch was good, just the sex itself wasn’t. He talked and went on and on and on and didn’t even listen to my responses. It ended when he lost his erection and decided it was time for him to leave.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Not at all
Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I felt it was a mistake, especially because I broke so many of my boundaries. I felt and still feel that I put myself in danger for no good reason. I feel I only understand in hindsight that I am risking and hurting myself. I hope not to see him ever again, but I have no feelings towards him – good or bad.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None
What were your motives for this hookup? Didn’t want to disappoint my partner, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? A little bit
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? Very much
Why do you regret this hookup? because it was unprotected and because I felt I was unheard. He didn’t even try to understand what my needs were or to fulfill them. I worked very hard and received nothing in return.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? made me understand things that I’m going through a bit more clearly, but didn’t change my mind. Made me understand I have my boundaries for a reason.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Not at all positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Very negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I had bad sex before, but this was not only bad sex, but a bad experience.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I have mostly casual sex and I am sometimes afraid it keeps me from finding other relationships. I would like to see the double standard regarding sex on general to dissolve: we are expected to be ashamed of our sexuality but also to demonstrate it at all times.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it should be more widely spread, I think it is a great way for people to share their own stories and make sense of it, but also to read and learn from others that they are completely normal in a society where double standards regarding sex are so embedded, I would like to know how many negative experiences are posted on the website. I felt a need to share my hookup when I had a bad experience, but before I thought I wouldn’t want to share such a story, but only the (many) positive experiences I had. I think it could also be a great platform to share a high-level articles about sexuality.
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!