Race/ethnicity: African American
Current location: Ohio
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
Occupation: HR Representative
Relationship status: Single
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Somewhat
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 5 (one was just oral)
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
Vanilla In My Coffee
How long ago did this hookup happen? Almost a week ago
How would you best classify this hookup (e.g., one-night stand, fuck-buddies, friends-with-benefits, booty call, sex with an ex, short fling; paid sex…)? Possible FWB
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I met “T” on tinder back in October. I had heard it was a “hookup” site, but I was curious and thought it’d be amusing. He was has great eyes and scruffy facial hair. He is also white. I had never dated or been with anyone outside my race. I am open to all nationalities but I have yet to meet someone. T immediately told me he was in an open marriage and looking for fun. I thought it was strange but also interesting. We continued to chat but I rebuffed his invitation to meet several times.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? In December, he wore me down. We exchanged numbers and sent me some racy photos. I was definitely intrigued especially considering it had been over a year since I last had sex. We met for drinks and weren’t able to hook up that night because of my period. We didn’t meet up til weeks later.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We met at a motel. I was incredibly nervous because I had never had casual sex with anyone. He knew I was nervous and we talked for a while before we had sex. He talked about work, His relationship, and past sexual experience. He talks about his wife a lot. Finally he asked if I wanted to have fun. I undressed except for my shirt. He kissed me very passionately and worked his way down to my vagina. He started eating me out while grabbing my breast. He came back up and kissed me. I returned the favor until my jaw locked up. He was so understanding. He put a condom on and entered me. He started thrusting but he kept falling out. We adjusted a couple time but it just didn’t work out. We laid in bed and he pulled me close. He kissed me and continued to fondle me. He explained that it was nothing I did wrong and that using a condom made it hard for him to stay up. He stated that he knew I would not want to try without it. We started kissing again and I went down on him some more. I actually really enjoyed going down on him. I never had that feeling before. So he ends up flipping me and getting on top of me. I grabbed for his dick and guided him inside me without a condom. He came shortly.
Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? I did not, but he came once.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? I have been on birth control for a while. We talked after our first round,in which we used a condom, about our histories. I hadn’t been with anyone in over a year and had been tested.
What were your REASONS for having this hookup? I wanted to do something I’ve never did before. I wanted to sleep with someone that I was not in a relationship with and didn’t have feelings for. It had been over a year and I was extremely horny.
Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? We shared a bottle of wine. I was nowhere near drunk and I don’t think he was either.
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We laid there for a while and talked. He had to get home and eventually left me in the room. We texted the next day. We both enjoyed ourselves and said we would like to see each other again. The experience far exceeded my expectations. Although there were some hiccups, I appreciated how passionate and affectionate T was. He is the first partner that I had that likes to kiss as much as I do. We cuddled after and kissed. I felt wanted. Of course I know there is no future in this due to him being married.
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told my mom and two friends. They actually encouraged me to go out with him because they thought it’d be a new experience and help me get back in the saddle for dating after a bad experience. They were excited for me and most of all not judgmental.
Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? It was consensual for us both.
Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? No, I had a great experience. I learned a lot about what I liked and needed from my next partner/relationship.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? The best thing was having such a thoughtful partner. He was very affectionate, passionate, and just all around into me. I never had that before. I never thought casual sex was bad, I just didn’t think I was capable of doing it. I’d actually like to sleep with a couple more guys before I settle down. The worst part was that I enjoyed myself and can’t stop thinking about it. I feel conflicted about the open marriage. That may be the agreement that he has with his wife, but ultimately am I doing something wrong? Lastly, we didn’t use a condom for the second round. Although it was short and he didn’t cum inside me, I’m old enough to know how that was a stupid thing to do.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup or anything else? I would say I have some attachment/abandonment issues. I have reasoned with myself that this is not going anywhere and that I maybe I just like the attention that T gave me. I could like someone like him a lot. I don’t want to like T. But I wouldn’t mind hooking up with him regularly until I find someone I can like.
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