Was It Rape?



What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 61
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? USA/Seattle
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Engineer
What’s your current relationship status? Dating casually
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 25
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 2

Was It Rape?

How long ago did this hookup happen? 40 years ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Single

How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a week

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? She was rather plain looking. She was a little overweight but not much. She had straight hair.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I used to hang out in a ski town. She was a chambermaid at a hotel there. I knew some people and she knew them tool. I had seen her around and we may have talked some, but I didn’t really know her. We were partying and when one place closed, we went to another I gave her and some other people a ride in my car. At the other nightclub, we were dancing and I ordered a shot of cognac. I offered to buy her one. It was large, like a double. She drank it fast.

She got really wild on the dance floor and started making out with me. I thought I should get her out of there and told the others in the group I was taking her home. She lived in a small basement room of the hotel as part of her package there. I pulled up to the hotel and she said she had to pee. She spread her legs and squatted in the parking lot. I never realized that she was commando underneath her skirt.

She asked me to come into her room to show it to me. We went downstairs in the hotel to her room. Her room was very small, but she had a single, most of the other women working and staying there were in doubles or triple rooms. She put some music on and started to make out with me. I didn’t go there to have sex or anything, I really just wanted to get her home.

We were pretty soon on her bed and clothes were coming off. She rolled over on top of me and pretty soon she was rubbing her pussy vigorously in my face. I did my best to eat her, and I must have done something right, because she had at least one screaming orgasm. She was at it for a while. She collapsed on the bed and I rolled on top of her.

We started to fuck and I was really horny. She was really into it and I was getting close. Then I looked down and she looked like she was passed out. There was a moment when I thought that maybe I should stop. I didn’t know if she was passed out or not. But I was young and horny and I kept fucking and came shortly thereafter, less than 30 seconds later. When I first noticed that she was not as responsive as before, I was right on the edge of cumming.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? It was pretty straight sex, if you count her climbing on my face and riding it straight.

It seemed like things kind of got out of hand. I guess she was really drunk, but I didn’t realize it at the time because she was functioning pretty well.

It ended with me having an orgasm, getting my clothes and leaving.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? A little

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I saw her around and I think she was embarrassed by what happened and wanted to be with me. I felt weird because the evening seemed to go off the rails and I didn’t want to be with her. She tried to get back at me after that.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None

What were your motives for this hookup? Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it

How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? Completely wasted

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? I’m not sure / I don’t know

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I have never told this story before.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Other

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat

Do you regret this hookup? Somewhat

Why do you regret this hookup? Afterward, it felt like I had taken advantage of her, and I didn’t want to be that guy. She was all over me, but we never really talked about what we were going to do. There are times when I ask myself if what I did constituted rape: she was not really able to say yes or no, and I never asked her.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? There’s not a lot I liked about it.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I was left thinking that I was that guy that I never wanted to be.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Never again did I not ask if a woman wanted sex. I always asked after that.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Not at all positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? Sometime later, I found out that she was starting to do chicks. I don’t know if she was always into chicks or not. I don’t know if I had something to do with that. I just don’t know. I wish I had backed off when it was clear that she was drunk. I was a little drunk too, but she was close to blotto. I didn’t know that.

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I have had a lot of casual sex. Most of it has been less than satisfying.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I see a lot of stories here by people who have had screaming good sex with casual partners. I think the topic has more depth than that. I think there is a spectrum and would like to seem more of that spectrum.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!