What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 24
What’s your race/ethnicity? Indian
What continent do you live on? Asia
What country and/or city do you live in? Mumbai, India
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Writer
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Vaguely spiritual
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Bisexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 8
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 1
Weed & Limp Dicks (Tinder Hookup)
How long ago did this hookup happen? About ten days ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Matched on tinder while I was visiting a new city. He was local, seemed vaguely attractive. I’d just matched with someone else around the same time who I’d hit it off with much better, but we couldn’t meet because he was across the border in Pakistan! It was even more frustrating because he was so good at sexting and had me all hot and bothered before I went out with local guy- let’s call him P.
So P picked my up in this massive car and we go for a drink to a place he knows. It’s good beer and I’m surprised because we’re in such a small town. I drink more than him because I’m obviously used to it, and he seems very nervous and I figure this might be his first time being casual with someone. At this point I was feeling both compassionate and a little turned on so I agree to go back to his place.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We end up smoking a joint on his roof, the boy is a total pot head who smokes regularly. The joint helps him relax finally and head back to his room for some cool air as it’s hot and muggy outside. I hear his roommate in the the next room and I know they will probably gossip about this tomorrow. The crazy Indian girl who was actually up for casual sex- how strange is that?
We’re very relaxed and lying in bed flipping channels. Not touching yet. He pops another couple cans of beer and we start playing with each other’s hands, which leads to him rubbing his fingers over my lips. I take a finger in my mouth and suck on it and I think this turns him on. Definitely makes me very wet. We kiss.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? He’s a very good kisser, or perhaps it was just the weed making everything feel more sensual and feel-goodesque. Heavy make out session later I’m wondering why he’s still not hard but he seems completely nonchalant about it, telling me it’s the weed and I shouldn’t feel bad.
I should preface this by saying that I am fairly new to casual sex, only experimenting with it about a month. The week prior my relationship with my boyfriend had sort of fallen apart and I’d tried to feel better by hooking up with a stranger I met online. He couldn’t get hard. So this was the second limp dick I was looking at in less then a week. Right after a break up. You can imagine I didn’t react very well.
While I was still processing my confusion and dismay he tried to grind on me and I asked him not to do anything without a condom, but of course he couldn’t get the damn thing on because he was too limp. He also ‘didn’t think it was a big deal’. I was massively sexually frustrated and my self confidence was dipping very low so I thought we’d try oral. I went down on him to no avail. Asked him to return the favour in the hopes that that would at least get me off and we could end this stupid night, at which point he said if I made him do that he would vomit.
I was so insulted, horrified and still slightly drunk and high that I just froze. Let him keep kissing me and caressing my breasts but became completely unresponsive. I know I am an attractive woman, a little on the heavy side recently but I have always attracted attention whenever I walk into a room. I’m strict about my hygiene and always keep myself clean. But his words kept echoing in my head until I finally had to excuse myself and go to the bathroom so I could cry.
I felt utterly miserable, alone in a strange city, cheated of a good time, insulted and ugly. When I managed to gather my emotions and make it back outside I tried to order a cab but in that dumbfuck small town there were none available. I desperately missed the independence that the city afforded me. He was still happy high and totally oblivious. Said he’d drop me home in the morning and I should sleep. I felt trapped and unable to make any other choice, so I curled up on the opposite side of the bed and promised myself that I would make it till morning in one piece.
By now he’d realised someone was a little off and kept trying to paw at me and ask what was wrong which I steadily and sulkily ignored.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Not at all
Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close
Did your partner have an orgasm? No
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? In the morning I felt bad for behaving as I had the night before. I wondered whether I had overreacted and taken personally something that was his issue and maybe I should have been more understanding. He dropped me till the highway and then went to work. I stopped at a breakfast place to get some food and felt very numb. Tired, unhappy, unsatisfied, sheepish, homesick. Dirty, because we’d been unable to use a condom.
Because I felt guilty for my behaviour I texted him later thanking him for a nice evening, he said you’re welcome, and that was the end of it.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None, No penetrative sex happened
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely
How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did you consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish
How intoxicated was your partner? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but didn’t give a ‘no’
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? The previous guy from last week who couldn’t get hard, and the Pakistani guy from online. The former thought it was just bad luck and felt very bad for me, the latter was sympathetic, wondered what P might have been anxious about.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Neutral
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? A little bit
Why do you regret this hookup? Just because it was an unsatisfactory experience. And it really dealt my confidence and self esteem a nasty blow.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Relaxing with weed on the roof. That was fun.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The sex (or lack thereof), his attitude to condoms and going down on a woman- even though he very obviously enjoyed me going down on him.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I felt very shitty for a while. Finally met an American expat a few days later who I had a very hot and heavy make out session with, he was super hard, and very vocally appreciative of everything about me, so that made me feel a lot better.
I know your self worth is determined by so much more than the men you sleep with, but I think it’s just the place I’m in right now and I really need that validation. I hoped casual sex would give that to me.
So far after 2 bad experiences and 1 good one (the Italian in my last story) I’m leaning towards the rather unscientific conclusion that Indian guys are no good for me (only two Indian guys I’ve actually been with), and that the only guys who are genuinely cut out for no strings attached, respectful and pleasurable sex are expats or travellers. Indian guys maybe are just intimidated by women who actually know themselves enough to ask for just that and not a relationship. Recently on OkC a guy actually messaged me incredulously asking if I was serious that all I wanted was casual sex, and then schooling me into why that was bad for me so I should go out with him cause he was a ‘decent guy’. Now that’s something that made me want to vomit! In my experience most of the Indian guys I’ve met have just been way to immature and primitive in their understanding of sex, positive female sexual ownership, body politics or feminism.
Also (I know this is not very nice) but they have small dicks! At least compared to the white and black guys I’ve been with. I don’t know, this is a work in progress. Will keep posting as I figure stuff out.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Not at all positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Very negative
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Absolutely flipping over how cool this site is. And that there are stories from India. By Indian women. Who are also looking for casual sex. Makes me feel less alone and less like a freak.
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