What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 48
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Winston-Salem
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Realtor
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Very
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 3
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
Wild Spring Break
How long ago did this hookup happen? 30 years ago
What was your relationship status at the time? In a relationship (monogamous)
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Josh was in his late 20s and looked like Robert Downey Jr. Marcus was a black guy, clean shaven, and was extremely muscular with many tattoos and looked like J.R. Reed, the Tar Heels basketball player.
It was my freshman year at college. I was on a basketball scholarship at a small university in SC. I was raised in a small community by strict religious parents. I’d been dating the same guy since high school (currently he’s my husband of 25 years). He was the only person I’d had sex with and we planned to get married after college. He was working a full time job while attending a local community college and a local university.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? For spring break, my teammates invited me to the beach. The parents of a teammate owned a beach house. The girls were bringing boyfriends, but mine didn’t have the money or a dependable car to make the trip. I’d only been to the beach twice, so he insisted I go and have fun while he stayed home and worked. I found out later he was working to save up for my engagement ring.
Around 5 pm, everyone was out back drinking and listening to music. All of the guys were shirtless and the girls were wearing bikinis. Someone invited Josh and Marcus from next door to join us and they brought marijuana and more liquor. I was never one to drink, but I’d finished my first strawberry daiquiri and was feeling buzzed. Josh kept checking me out so I gave him a wink and a smile. He came over and offered me a joint. I’d never smoked pot, but wanted to try and took a couple of hits. I started feeling buzzed while we danced. His hands were all over me and I was feeling relaxed. He brought me another daiquiri and placed me on his lap. I could feel his hard on and I also felt aroused. I was sipping my drink and he began rubbing inside my leg and breasts then we started kissing. Most of my friends had gone to their rooms to have sex with their boyfriends. I was down to my last sip when Josh offered me a colorful pill everyone was taking. I found out later it was ecstasy. Within seconds, I was high and very horny. Josh started fingering me and I was ready to jump him.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? I don’t remember who instigated but we left for my room. Along the way, he pulled the strings on my bikini and I yanked down his shorts. He was uncircumcised, smaller, and thinner than my boyfriend. I offered oral but he wanted to ‘take care of business’. He got on top and we kissed as I felt him enter me. I don’t know exactly how long we had sex because I kept fading in and out. At one point, I was on my stomach and felt him attempting anal. I asked him to stop, but he kept going then I faded out again. I woke up and he was on top, dripping sweat and grunting. I asked him not to cum in me but he did anyway. As soon as he finished, he quickly put his shorts on and started to leave. I asked if he was coming back. He asked if I wanted sex again. My head was still hazy, but I remember saying ‘yes’. He told me to stick out my tongue. I did and he placed another ecstasy pill on it and I swallowed. He said he had to pee & would be right back.
I was still naked when the door opened. It was Marcus! I asked where Josh was and he said Josh left. Then he asked if I wanted to fuck and said he was down for sloppy seconds. At the time, I didn’t know what sloppy seconds was. I said yes. He pulled down his shorts and his penis was thick, dark, long, hard, and huge! I asked if I could suck him. He walked over and I tried giving him a blow job. He grabbed my legs and flipped me over. With my butt in the air, he rammed inside me fast and hard. It was the best feeling. It didn’t take long for me to orgasm, but he kept going. My body was shivering with pleasure as he moved me into different positions. He put me on top, held me tight, and went very fast until I had another orgasm and he finished inside me.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? The next morning my head felt like it could explode and Marcus was gone. I didn’t see them anymore. I assume they left because a family was in the house next door.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Thought it was an important experience to have, Intoxication, To feel better about myself, To cheer myself up, Everyone else was/is doing it, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it, It was easy / convenient
How intoxicated were you? Completely wasted
What substances did you consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish, MDMA, ecstasy, molly
How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? All my teammates on the trip knew. They were glad I had a hook-up during spring break.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? Very much
Why do you regret this hookup? I got a bacterial STD. I tried over the counter drugs, but it got so bad I had to go to the university clinic for treatment. Immediately, they sent me to an OB-GYN. I had to tell him and his intern how I got it. I got the ‘safe sex’ lecture and was told if I’d let it go much longer it would have lead to PID which can cause infertility. I wasn’t on any type of birth control so they started out with a pregnancy test. I’d already done one on my own but I was still relieved when they told me the results were negative. They took blood for more tests even HIV. That’s when I freaked out! To make matters worse, I had to wait a week for those results. I also had to get a colonoscopy because of the bad tearing during anal sex. Thankfully everything came back negative. I was put on such a high dose of antibiotics, I had to tell my coach and trainers.
It took a month for everything to clear up. I was afraid my scholarship was in jeopardy, but my coach told me not to worry and recommended I get on birth control. She also insisted I get tested every two weeks from then on. She reassured me it wasn’t punishment but that she was concerned for my long term health and the athletic department paid the cost anyway.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Sex with a guy I’d just met. Trying marijuana and ecstasy for the first time. Experiencing sex while high.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Anal sex. Getting the STD.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Since then, I’ve only had sex with one guy. He’s my husband and doesn’t know any of this. While we were dating, I never told him I was on birth control and insisted he use a condom, for his protection.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? This happened 30 years ago. Currently, I operate a successful business in my hometown, I am a wife and mother of four kids with a wonderful husband! I’m reminded of this event every year at my annual OB-GYN visit. I have to check the box, ‘have you ever had a STD?’ if ‘yes’ check all that apply.
I think my husband should know I’ve had a STD, but then I’d have to tell him everything. Our relationship and marriage is strong, but this also has the potential to have devastating consequences. I’m sure one day I’ll tell him so there will be no secrets in our relationship.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? After 25 years of marriage and having sex with the same person, I wish I had sex with other guys before settling down. I had multiple opportunities, but I didn’t act. Now, I’m wishing I had.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? It’s a great idea and I feel some relief sharing this story after holding on to it for many years
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