I Wish He Screwed as Well as He Danced



What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 34
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Australia
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Human Resources Professional
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Somewhat
What’s your sexual orientation? Bisexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 25
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None

I Wish He Screwed as Well as He Danced

How long ago did this hookup happen? Last night

What was your relationship status at the time? Single

How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand

How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? My flatmate hosted a cheese and wine party. He was invited along with one of her male friends, who coincidentally was also trying to get into my pants.

To be honest I thought he was a nice Aussie-mixed-Asian guy. He obviously worked out, but wore one of those muscle tees which drape too far under the arm. I can’t stand them.
We thought it was amusing to edit his Tinder profile in order to give him more success. I was also on the lookout for someone for him to hook up with! How it ended up being me, I am still trying to remember…

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? As the mature-adult-sophisticated cheese and wine afternoon deteriorated into a group of us singing and dancing around the kitchen, mixing up homemade espresso martinis (surprisingly good!), we started dancing. It had come out during the editing of his Tinder profile that he was a proficient Latin dancer. What also came out was that he was into 22-year-olds. I am obviously 12 years past that and thought that a bit of dancing in the kitchen was all it was. I love dancing. I am better when I am drunk. Obviously.

We all piled into cars and headed to the club. I proceeded to dance up a storm with anyone who looked interested and also continued to look for someone for him to hook up with. I had my eye on someone else…

At some point we continued dancing and things were getting close…I continued to buy myself shots and generally be a serial pest. Harassing all and sundry in the club, “losing” my purse, making new friends and generally being what I had considered at the time to be an all-round great person to hang out with. Obviously.

I got a little too drunk, as always, and remember leaving the club with him. I do not remember why I thought this was a good idea at the time. We went back to his very large penthouse apartment.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Hmm…if I could tell you then that would be news to us both. I have vague recollections of him pounding away and also him cumming on my back. I don’t know why, because we had put a condom on. At some point throughout he must have taken it off. I was obviously too drunk to notice…

Afterwards I recall thinking that I wasn’t sore. I am normally a little after sex with someone especially if I haven’t had sex for a time. You know, closed up and the like. Maybe he was small, can’t remember.
The next morning we woke up – still a bit drunk, I think. He tries kissing me and I’m thinking, “This is all a little boring…” I manage to hold him off. He is a gentleman and makes me some breakfast after I declare, “I am fucking hungry!”. I acknowledge that I swear way too much. Potty mouth.

After breakfast (I am wearing my bra and his shorts), I am telling him I need to head out. He does too. As I am putting on my dress I can see him giving me the look…coming up behind me, he starts kissing and fondling me while removing my bra – although my arms don’t quite make it out. That’s a hot look…I get hot and steamy from someone manhandling me from behind. And besides, it spared me the average kissing. Unfortunately he turns me around and pulls my hand down to his cock. Gosh. It really is small. I was no longer interested, but damn it, we were too far gone. I keep going and hope it’s over quickly while thinking about my ex’s large, uncircumcised, if not slightly bendy, cock, I can’t help but wish it was he that I had my hand on, and that was about to take me from behind.
We pause while he gets a condom. Yawn. Just moan and pretend you’re interested to get it over and done with.
As he jabs away, doggy style, the bed rolls around all over the place. We move to the floor, facing the mirror. Why I, he or anyone for that matter, would want to see my haggered hungover face in the mirror is beyond me.
He continues jabbing away at a frantic pace, then declares that he can’t ever come with these things on. So, he takes it off and keeps going. I am like, woah mate. How do I know you’re clean? He says he is, and that he hasn’t had sex in over 4 months. I am not sure how that logic works. Buggers me that someone so smart (engineer) and old (31) uses that as an excuse.
Too hungover/drunk to argue, I just hope it’s over quickly. Jab. Jab. Jab. Nothing. I’m getting hot now.   Let’s call it to an end.  Sorry mate. You’ll have blue balls for the rest of the day.  Can’t tell him that I won’t orgasm. I’m on medication for my OCD, panic disorder and depression. Either way, I don’t think it would have happened even if I wasn’t.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Not at all

Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? Thank you. It’s time for a lift home.  My knees are getting too old to get in and out of his low car.

I speed home. Walk in. Shower. I did not offer my number when I exited his car. Nor did I lean in for a kiss. I made another joke about my age, and walked off.
I have no intention of calling him. Unfortunately I was really looking forward to going to salsa dancing with my flatmate. Now I feel it’s too awkward. We’ll see.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Withdrawal, Condoms, Discussed STI testing history

What were your motives for this hookup? Intoxication, I was feeling lonely, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it, It was easy / convenient

How intoxicated were you? Completely wasted

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? I don’t know

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? No one. I suspect my flatmate might know. I don’t recall who saw us leave. I won’t be offering the information. I will joke with one of my work colleagues about the size of his penis. I will leave it at that.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Do you regret this hookup? A little bit

Why do you regret this hookup? I was actually interested in someone else at the time but they were unattainable. I also, stupidly, still have feelings for my ex.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? It’s the first time I’ve had sex with anyone else in the year that I have been broken up with my ex.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I was quite disappointed with the size of his penis. I didn’t like the way he pounded away. He kissed in a way that didn’t suit me.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? No, not really.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I could have done without the morning sex.
It made me miss my ex even more. We’re still good friends and admit to having feelings for each other, but we are terrible as a couple. I cry every night when we’re together.

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Casual sex has a time and a place in my life. I should try it sober one day.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I love it. It’s been great reading others’ stories. Makes me feel like a normal human! Even with this killer hangover.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!