Woah There Dude, Calm Yourself.

by Aaron

Age: 25
Race/ethnicity: White
Location: Portland, OR
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
Occupation: Natural Resources
Religious affiliation: Former Fundamentalist Christian dealing with the fallout of being gay
How religious are you? Somewhat
Sexual orientation: Gay/Lesbian
Any other term(s) that describe your sexual orientation/sexuality better/best? I’m solidly on the gay end of the Kinsey Scale if that’s a thing still
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None

Woah There Dude, Calm Yourself

How long ago did this hookup happen? 5 ish years

How would you best classify this hookup? A4A [Adam for Adam] one-night stand

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He was about 6’0, black hair, tanned. His profile said 39, but it consistently said that for years after I encountered him, I’d say closer to 45 (hey, I lived in a small town with very few choices and was going through a daddy phase). Dressed like you’d expect a professional in his forties to dress casually. Polo shirt, khaki pants. He was cute, seemed to have himself put together, not that it really mattered much.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I was cruising A4A, something I did often, but never really sealed the deal with. Tonight I was feeling lucky I guess, and when this guy hit me up, I agreed to meet up with him. He was on the other side of the bay that I lived in at the time (I was deep in the closet and only hooked up with people who were FOR SURE not in my circle of friends, super healthy, I know), and we agreed to meet at my favorite coffee shop on the other side. We met there, he was nice, walked me down to the ocean, and we chatted, walked awkwardly, then found a bench to sit at and started making out. I decided that I was like 60% sure he wasn’t going to kill me, so when he asked to go back to his place, I did.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We got back to his place and it was pretty standard for most of the 30 something guys I hooked up with. Roommate somewhere, artsy pictures of naked men in the bedroom, a couch, some wine, farmville up on the computer etc. We made out for a bit on his couch and he brought me to his bedroom and put some porno style EDM [Electronic Dance Music] on in the background and we stripped each other while making out. He was a really nice guy, just really lonely seeming. He was an okay kisser, leaning towards face-eating, but there are very few guys I’ve kissed that don’t do that. There was definitely enough to play with, which was fine by me. Some mutual jerking off, sucking, making out. I was getting really close when he reached for the top drawer and pulled out a condom.

Now, I still had some weird values at the time and was convinced that if I didn’t stick a cock in me, I wasn’t gay, or God would spite me less, who knows what I thought. So I said, “Oh, sorry, I don’t do that, face fuck me instead” because that’s a lot better, which he did. I ended up cumming 3 times to his one (ah, to be 20 again). When I finally had nothing left, after like 3 hours of making out, oral and some fingering. I got up to leave, and he said, “Please, please stay the night. The bed is really comfy, and I’d love to have you stay the night.” At the time, being the cold-hearted bear cub I was I said, “Nah, I really got to get going” and started re-clothing. He asked about 5 more times as I was lacing up, kissing me, pinning me to the bed. Looking back on it, I could have just crashed there for a few hours, and he probably really needed it. Eventually he kissed me goodbye, and he never talked to me again, and I took the 40-minute drive home along the beach to evaluate my life choices (I deemed they were good later in life than I should have).

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? None and no.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? Psht, I have no idea. I think that I was really lonely too. The first guy I ever hooked up with just moved away and stopped talking to me, I had been on a series of awkward dates that didn’t go so well with boys from too far away. I needed to get out of my house and get off.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? Sip of wine. Nothing else.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? For me, I felt a lot of guilt for a while. It was just something I didn’t see myself doing, and felt like that was another person, though it was still me. Given some time to do things like come out, I think that I really was just projecting what I felt everyone else was feeling about me at the time onto myself and my hookups. I mean, it was fun. He got me off 3 times, so it felt great and I couldn’t deny that. Had I been out, I would have enjoyed it. For him, I hope that he found someone or something or whatever he was looking for in sex with younger men. I know he was still single (or hooking up at least) a couple of years ago when I was in my hometown and on A4A for the hell of it and he messaged me, not even remembering that we had hooked up in the past.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I’ve never really talked to anyone about this hookup, and had not talked to anyone about hooking up until 2-3 years after this hookup.

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? Yeah, as far as I can tell.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? At the time, yes. Now, fuck no. It was part of me growing up and exploring and coming out.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Having a funnyish/awkward coming of age sex story to write in my memoir.

How about the WORST? Leaving him there to sleep alone.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Nah, it contributed to a series of self-realizations about my queerness, but this was not a super influential hookup.

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup or anything else? Nah. I wish I fit your criteria for your movie! Haha.

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