What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 20
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
What’s your current relationship status? Single
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 2
Worst Hookup Ever
How long ago did this hookup happen? Two nights ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? L was an Indonesian man, 26 but he looked much younger than that. Short, big hair. I met him at a nightclub in Kyoto, Japan. I had had a few drinks so all I really felt was wanting someone to dance with so I was willing to take anyone at that point in the night.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I went to a nightclub in Kyoto on a weeknight, stayed there for a few hours but the energy wasn’t really there in the room. Nobody was feeling the music and I was the only one there by myself, which was a bummer. So I left and found another nightclub a few minutes away. I got my third drink of the evening (plus one shot from the first nightclub), and headed to the dance floor. There were a lot more foreigners at this one, the music was better and there was a lot more dancing.
No more than five minutes later, L shows up next to me along with some of his friends. He insists on getting me beer after beer even though I kept saying no, that I had had quite enough. But this was my last night in Japan and I didn’t put up that much of a fight because I was just feeling the energy in the room. He starts grinding on me and touching me and kissing me, and he was really rough about it. I have two big hickeys on my neck right now from where he bit me. There were other people there who were doing the same stuff so I wanted to be part of it, too. I felt a little bit weird doing it in front of all his friends, they seemed like they were being left out so I let them kiss me, too. It was definitely not my proudest moment.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? After I think the third beer, which brought the drink count up to six, L suggested that we take off. He got us a taxi and we went back to his place, which wasn’t that great, very small and not that clean. It was a men’s only apartment complex. I had never been drunk before but I could tell that I was because my speech got slower and I sounded like I was high on a cloud. I stumbled a bit, kept having to hold onto stuff, and I wasn’t making smart decisions.
So we get to his room and we start going at it. I don’t know if it was the alcohol or the fact that I wasn’t that attracted to him but I just wasn’t really responding much when he tried to finger me or give me oral. I gave him a condom but it only fit him halfway. We had sex like that for a bit and it felt good to me but apparently not to him because he took it off and stuck himself back into me. At that point I got really scared, kept saying no, telling him to stop. He was really strong for a little guy so I couldn’t push him off. He finally stopped when I started crying. He seemed genuinely concerned, at least. I told him that I really didn’t want to get pregnant and he tried to assure me that it was okay but I wasn’t letting him continue. I told him that we couldn’t do it without a condom, since I was also afraid of either of us contracting an STD. He kept trying to do it with me but I kept pushing him away saying no, that I was tired, because at this point it was pretty late at night. He gave me some apple juice to try to help me calm down, plus also to try to get rid of the buzz from all the other drinks I had had.
I didn’t even want to touch him. The next morning he tried doing it with me again but I stayed firm and kept telling him no.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Not at all
Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close
Did your partner have an orgasm? I don’t know
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? The next morning we laid in bed together and had a conversation through Google translate. I told him more about myself and my feelings. We put our clothes back on and I got some money at an ATM for a cab. He helped me find one and I went back to my hotel to shower and pack up and check out to go to the airport. I do not really want to see him again. I just want to pretend it never happened. I feel like writing about it here will help a bit.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms
What were your motives for this hookup? To feel more desirable, I was feeling lonely, Everyone else was/is doing it, Boredom, It was easy / convenient
How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I said yes at first when we tried the condom but once he started trying without one I kept saying no
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My close friend. They were disappointed and scared for me but they still had my back.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively negative
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat
Do you regret this hookup? Very much
Why do you regret this hookup? I wasn’t attracted to him in the first place. I feel very cheap for letting him and his friends touch me and treat me like a piece of meat.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Having someone who wanted to give me drinks, who wanted to dance with me.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Him trying to force himself onto me, his unrelenting nature, pretty much everything else
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes. It has made me see the dangerous side, made me thankful that I didn’t get raped or beaten or killed. I now see that it’s pretty much why most people go to nightclubs in the first place, just to hook up.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Not at all positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Very negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? He had said that he had been in Japan for a year and never got to have sex yet, so he was really disappointed when I stopped him from continuing earlier. I was concerned for both of us though and I didn’t want either of us to end up in a life-altering situation (aka a baby or a STD). Plus you can never trust what anybody says anymore.
I also noticed that he had some bumps on his penis and I thought it was herpes at first but there were just two big ones and they didn’t seem to be hurting him. They might have just been some skin cysts which are normal but I had never seen them before so it made me kind of sick. I’m going to see a doctor as soon as possible to get myself tested for any and all kinds of STDs plus just to double check that I’m not pregnant so I”m just hoping for the best. Hopefully everything will be okay.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I wanted to feel wanted, bottom line. That’s what got me into this and why I went so low to get that feeling. I really want to try to start loving myself more someday soon so that I don’t constantly feel like I need someone else’s approval.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? A great place to admit the best and worst hookups of all time.
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!