What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 68
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? California
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Several
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? Settled
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? > 100
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? several
How long ago did this hookup happen? 1975
What was your relationship status at the time? In a relationship (open)
How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For 1 to 3 years
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Susan was the younger sister of my then significant other, Addie. I had met her several times when she came to visit us in Brooklyn, where we lived. She was average build, short, blond, about 21 years old, with a pleasant and friendly personality. Addie and I were nearly 30 and had lived together for about eight years. I’d once embarrassed both Susan and I, by coming home unexpectedly, to find her sitting nude in our living room. But we were just friendly, there was no romantic flirting or innuendo at all.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? Addie was in Europe for the summer, andI was taking a road trip from Boston to Seattle with Frank, a relative in his 60s, who had recently lost his wife and needed a break. He was retired, and I was a student so we had no real itinerary, with plenty of time to wander. Addie’s mother, Carmel, a widow herself, had invited us to visit in her small, Nebraska town. It turned out that Susan had moved back to help her out. After a couple of lazy warm summer days, Susan invited us to go with some of her friends on a camping trip to the Sand Hills. Frank thought that sleeping in a tent, being outside with mosquitos and cooking over a fire sounded grim and declined. So, on a Friday afternoon, Susan and I took off in her beat up Citroen to pick up her two friends Jay and Laura. It was clear right away that they were just buddies, not attached. The camping spot was about two hours away on public land, but not an official campground. No one else was there. Pretty soon we had set up the ‘guys’ tent and the ‘gals’ tent, fixed up a dinner and settled in. It was hot and we were camped by a small lake. We were all skinny dipping, swinging from the rope swing and checking each other out. As it became dark and we dried each other off, I asked Susan, if it she would like to share a tent, leaving the others to themselves. Of course she said yes.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Nothing extraordinary, we were already friends and trusted each other. But I remember that she had a sensual way of laying on top of me and rubbing my cock with her labia, all wet and soft. We both came with her on top and in the morning made love again, missionary this time.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We spent the next day hiking and swimming, it was clear that Jay and Laura had hooked up in the night too. Everyone was relaxed and affectionate.
At dinner on Saturday, Laura suggested that we switch partners for the night and it just seemed ordinary. Everyone agreed without discussion. Making love with Laura was different, since we were barely acquainted, we were more tenuous at first and I was surprised to find that her breasts were almost as hard, round and stiff as baseballs. She had had implants several years before, and they had fibrosed. It was weird and she didn’t like having them touched or kissed. But after talking a bit, spooning and kissing, we both relaxed and enjoyed pretty vigorous face to face intercourse for half the night.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant, IUD (Intrauterine device)
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Making new friends, Everyone else was/is doing it, It was easy / convenient
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Only my current wife, when we were first together. She thought it was tacky.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively negative
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Sex with an old friend who was also my girlfriend’s sister. Sex with a new friend.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? A smidgen of guilt about Susan being Addie’s sister.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? No
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
Anything else you want to add about this hookup? Carmel and Frank were waiting for us when we got back. We didn’t say anything about the coupling we’d enjoyed and I never asked Frank whether he and Carmel had done any themselves. The rest of the trip included many adventures, mishaps and unusual encounters. It remains a fond memory. The next time that I visited Nebraska, Susan had married, begun a hard scrabble farm with her new husband and been “Born Again”. There was no more fornicating. But I had a great visit, working with her and her husband on the farm for a few days, and talking about Nebraska history (Read “Old Jules” sometime). No allusions to our past life and no regrets apparently.
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Monogamous sex is a special case in every way and I have certainly been satisfied and and fulfilled by it. But most sex is probably casual sex and, as in this experience, I have enjoyed exploring it with women whom I knew well and with some whom I’d barely met.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? The collection is interesting, certainly not scientific. But I find many of the stories about getting drunk and hooking up, sad and empty. Perhaps casual sex still is taboo enough, that for many, it requires inebriation. I think that it should be something we enjoy with all our senses and judgement intact.
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