What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 23
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? Austria
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
What’s your current relationship status? Single
How religious are you? Somewhat
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 20-40
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
Artist from Tinder
How long ago did this hookup happen? 3 months
What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status
How would you best classify this hookup? No hookup
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He was a very talented artist which made him a lot more desirable to me, he wasn’t very good looking and didn’t smell nice. I liked his style. We met on Tinder. I was desperate for approval, feeling quite low that day so I was really forward about wanting to meet.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We met at night, went for a walk and when it got too cold we happened to be close to where I live. I didn’t want to make out with him, usually feeling someones desire for me is enough to make me feel better about myself. So I said he could hang out at my place for a bit if he was okay with not having sex. He agreed but as soon as we got there he started kissing me, pushing me on the bed, undressing me, pressing his hard-on against me. I felt kind of obligated to participate and I also enjoyed how much he wanted me. I distracted him by talking about art and we ended up creating a painting together. I really liked that part.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? He pushed me on the bed again, telling me this isn’t fair and I am teasing/torturing him. I told him I could give him a handjob but I didn’t want to blow or fuck him. I proposed to take a video of him while he came (I had an art project of O-faces in mind) but he didn’t feel comfortable with it. He said he can’t cum from handjobs. I was intrigued because I think I am good at handjobs so I wanted to try. I started but he needed more to get off. At some point, I let him finger me and faked being aroused because I noticed how much my moans turned him on. He came on my tits. I was kind of proud because he said no other girl had ever made him come only with her hands before. There was no connection between us at all. He left right after.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Not at all
Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? He sent me a halfhearted message the next day. I am impressed by his talent and follow him on social media but he is in Australia now, so I we won’t see each other ever again and I am happy about that. I am kind of proud because such a talented, “cool” person was interested in me, but deep down I know that I didn’t like him at all.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Discussed STI testing history, No penetrative sex happened
What were your motives for this hookup? To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely, Didn’t want to disappoint my partner, It was easy / convenient
How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Not at all
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Somewhat
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Some friends. I mostly bragged about how talented he was. They realized that I knew what I was getting myself into and we didn’t even have sex so it wasn’t a big deal.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Neutral
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? A little bit
Why do you regret this hookup? Because I wish I had other strategies to feel good about myself than making out with someone I don’t even want to make out with.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The art we created.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Everything else.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Not really. I know I am not really into one-time-things or sexual connections without any emotional connection.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Fairly negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think casual sex is a way for me to make myself feel better about myself. This can be really helpful for my mood, but only if it happens in a conscious and respectful way. It’s dangerous if its unconscious because then I do things I don’t really want to do only to feel better or play a certain role to get what I want from the guy and once I get the approval i have no desire to be in any contact with them at all.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think this is a really cool project. Made me realize I am not alone in the way I feel about and approach casual sex.
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