Current location: PA
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
Relationship status: single
Religious affiliation: none
How religious are you? Not at all
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 2
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 2
How long ago did this hookup happen? Uhhh a couple weeks?
How would you best classify this hookup (e.g., one-night stand, fuck-buddies, friends-with-benefits, booty call, sex with an ex, short fling; paid sex…)? friends with benefits? I guess?
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He’d call himself a mutt: part Mexican, part Indian, part white. (Dude is always insulting himself though, so that shouldn’t surprise anyone.) He’s good-looking though–tall, skin tone that invites purple prose and stereotypes, sometimes long hair, sometimes a beard or stubble. Gentle hands.
We were in the same year for undergrad, so we’ve known each other for four years. …In that time I’ve watched him drink himself beyond what’s reasonable on several occasions and have sex with at least two of my good friends (one positive review and one negative) and then stop speaking to them. He’d come on to me more than once as well, half the time drunkenly, half the time just plain ol’ coming on to me. For the most part, I shut him down, told him to go to bed and take an aspirin for the inevitable hangover, told him it was a stupid idea, etc. We did cuddle once though, which I started. He invited me to stay the night, and I declined. After that, when I tried to strike up a conversation…he’d bail. He’s a runner. This summer in particular, we’ve psycho analyzed him quite a bit, talking about why he always runs away from emotions (fear of disappointment, fear of having to be accountable to someone, plain old habit).
Once, drunkenly, he finally said outright (instead of hiding behind innuendo) that we should have sex. I said, no you’re drunk, don’t be an idiot, blah blah. But I thought about it, and I really wanted to have physical human comfort and thought he might be a good friend with benefits because I knew too much shit about him to get emotionally attached. I messaged him later and asked, “If we were to hook up, what would you expect to have happen?” I wanted to set the terms before anything started. But to my surprise he said, “No, you’re right, we just shouldn’t. I wouldn’t want to be my shitty self with someone like you.” Ouch. Not what I wanted.
With that history… I had mixed feelings about him. I still considered him a friend because he’d offered me a supportive ear on several occasions when I’d needed it but hadn’t expected it from him… but he’d also failed to be there a couple times when I did need him. He’d hurt one of my closest friends pretty badly, to the point that she won’t talk about it. ….But somehow, in spite of all of his crap, I’ve always thought he was attractive, and he’s fun to chat with sometimes if you can steer the conversation so he doesn’t go all moody and self-pitying.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We were chatting on Facebook late one night. This is pretty normal because he’s a night owl and I had insomnia pretty much all that week. The last few times we’d talked it’d been purely platonic and very pleasant, but we started making a bunch of dirty jokes… And, half wondering why, I decided to flirt back this once. So, I guess he instigated it, but I damn well finished it.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? When we started to say goodnight after a whole bunch of flirting (for example, he was really interested in the fact that, having grown up in the southwest, I’m good at riding horses, etc…). I said, “I guess I have something to take care of before I go to sleep.” He said, “What would that be?” I said, “Don’t be an idiot. Take a wild guess.” He offered to help, and I let him because I didn’t owe him anything and I didn’t have to give him anything. I didn’t send him any pictures or give him the blow-by-blow or anything like that, and I didn’t really care what he was doing on his end. This time, it was for my enjoyment, and I decided I wanted it.
Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? I actually didn’t, because it turned out that reading his messages was more distracting than helpful, but I told him that I did. Wasn’t his fault.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? Not needed because I wasn’t going to be catching anything from myself. 🙂
What were your REASONS for having this hookup? Our conversation turned me on, and honestly I was going to fantasize about him anyway, so might as well have his help. I wanted to get off, and although I didn’t particularly feel like helping him, I didn’t mind selfishly taking his help.
Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? Surprisingly, I’m pretty sure he was sober. I definitely was, but I was also pretty overtired, which might have had something to do with it.
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? He hasn’t spoken to me since, which is not a huge surprise or a huge problem. It’s annoying…and I do think it would’ve been better if we had struck up a normal non-sexual conversation later in the week, but whatever. He’s still the same loveable dirtbag as always, and I’m still my awesome self. I guess we’re still friends, but I’m not exactly bending over backwards to maintain this friendship–I recognize that he’s never been a stable person, nor is he someone worth investing a lot of energy in. If he wants to be my friend, fine. If he wants to have phone sex again, I might even be down with that. But I don’t need it, and I don’t know that I would do that again.
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Only my closest friends. They were surprised, but they were happy for me because I told them that I got what I wanted out of it. No judgement, no need to discuss further, really.
Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? Yes
Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? Mehhhh
I’m not sure. I’m not unhappy that it happened, but I do wish that I wasn’t just another name on his list. On the internet. Yikes. I wish that I hadn’t let him talk like that to me–from the beginning, four years ago, that first drunk text. No guy should be allowed to send a girl text messages like that unless it’s very clear that she’s okay with it. He’s a creep, honestly. So, I’m not proud of him, no. But I did want attention from him, maybe to make up for the time he turned me down. And I consciously chose to let that happen. I wanted it. And I got what I wanted.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Best: Telling him about some of my past sexual experiences, what I liked and what I didn’t, and what I was good at. It was fun, knowing that he enjoyed that information, and that I could choose to take power and control over my sexuality. That I knew what I was talking about–no longer miss mousy nerd girl.
Worst: “Did you finish yet?” Ughhh….
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative
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