What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 33
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? USA
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Professor
What’s your current relationship status? Dating casually
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Unsure / Questioning
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? lesbian separatist
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 6
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
Fireworks in My Brain
How long ago did this hookup happen? 2 years
What was your relationship status at the time? Engaged/Married (open)
How would you best classify this hookup? Short fling
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a year
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? She was an academic like me, and I kept running into her at academic events. She was brilliant with statistics, and beautiful, with pale skin and dark hair and a way of looking right into the weak spots in your argument. Of course I had a huge crush on her. I would ask her my puzzling questions partly because I wanted to know what she had to say, and partly just to be close to her. We traded some drafts of articles, and had some dinners together.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? Just before she was due to move to a different city far away, I blurted out that I had a crush on her, then apologized, then bolted. Very smooth. I sent her an email, saying that if she was interested she could let me know, and if she was not, we should keep on being friends and colleagues and never speak of it again. She came over to my place to watch a TV episode, and then I found myself paying no attention to the movie and a lot of attention to how close her body was to me. She went home afterward. She came back a second time, to watch the next episode. We didn’t watch much TV.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We kind of rolled around touching each other for a while, and I started laughing because I was very into her but didn’t have a clue what to do. We talked a little about likes and dislikes and fantasies, and I laid back and she touched me all over and fireworks went off in my brain. She didn’t touch my cunt and I didn’t have an orgasm, but I felt hyper-aroused, like every part of my skin was lit up with electricity. Eventually we went to sleep. I think she might have masturbated next to me, but I didn’t ask for fear of embarrassing her.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close
Did your partner have an orgasm? I don’t know
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We woke up together, and she asked how I felt, and I said I felt pretty awesome about having a beautiful woman in my bed. She touched me some more, just on the back and shoulders, and then left to finish packing. After she left, I masturbated and came pretty much instantly. She packed and caught her flight and I was left wandering around the city in this heightened sensory state.
I feel very happy that this happened. She might come visit me, and I would love to hook up with her again in the future. But whether or not we explore sex together, I feel like this was a really valuable experience. I feel like we were good to each other. We still email. We still have plenty to talk about.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None, No penetrative sex happened
What were your motives for this hookup? Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Intoxication
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told my (now ex) husband, and he said he was okay with it but I don’t think he was really okay with it. I told some friends she didn’t know, and they congratulated me. I told a mutual friend whom she told as well, and I think he was a little envious but mostly happy for me.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Mixed (Some positive, some negative)
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How my brain exploded from sensation and happiness.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Stuff with my husband went downhill at some point partly because of my sexuality. I am sad about that, but would have been much more sad if I had stayed in that marriage.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It made me realize how attracted women I was. I am now dating women exclusively.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I want to have more casual sex! I want to have casual sex with people I like and respect ,and who like and respect me. I got married young and feel like that was a big mistake. Maybe sex with men was a big mistake in general. The casual sex I had with men when I was younger was kind of emotionally awful, even though I was definitely physically attracted to them. The small amount casual sex I’ve been having with women after this event has been hot and fun and respectful. And I am physically attracted to women too!
I mostly wish that I had not felt so pressured to have sex (casual or otherwise) with men. I don’t hate men or anything; I just like them so much better when I don’t feel like I have to fuck them.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? It’s so great that you are collecting people’s stories.
You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!