by Darius

Gender: Male
Age: 43
Race/ethnicity: Mixed Native American/Caucasian
Location: Los Angeles
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
Occupation: Teacher
Relationship status: Divorced
Religious affiliation: None
How religious are you? Not at all
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 27
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0


How long ago did this hookup happen? 3 weeks

How would you best classify this hookup? Failed hookup

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? She was 44 years old, brunette, about 5’4″ tall, latina ethnicity, also divorced like me. I know her only casually. We had never hooked up. We met because she works in a book store that I go to frequently. I like her and feel attracted to her, and wanted to ask her out.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? I asked her to have coffee with me so we met for coffee. We talked about books, music, vinyl records, etc. She offered to show me some rare vinyl records at her apartment nearby, so we went to her place. I thought this was an invitation for possibly something more, which I was open to but not pushing for.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Things seemed to be going well at her apartment. There was a moment when we made eye contact and it seemed like the right moment, so I slowly moved in to kiss her. We kissed, but then she pulled away and said “I’m sorry, I don’t want to go there.” It was awkward so I left shortly thereafter.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? None required.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? No hookup happened, so I don’t know if you want to include this story, but maybe it’s interesting to have a failed hookup?

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? No.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? Basically nothing. I still like her and would like to go out with her, but she’s very awkward and stand-offish now. I don’t really know what went wrong.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? No one.

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? The kiss was consensual, and when she wanted to stop we stopped.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? N/A

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? The experience was a bit demoralizing.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Not at all positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Fairly negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup or anything else? Since getting divorced two years ago I have not had any hookups or successful dates, and have not been with anyone physically or emotionally, although I am actively looking. I’m curious to learn about how people over the age of 40 have hookups because it doesn’t seem to happen for me. When I was in my 20’s and single it just seemed to happen pretty effortlessly. Now women don’t look at me.

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