The Ex

by Christopher

Gender: Male
Age: 25
Race/ethnicity: White, caucasian, europe
Current location: Norway
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
Occupation: Student,
Relationship status: Single
Religious affiliation: None
How religious are you? Not at all
Sexual orientation: Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 4
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None

The Ex

How long ago did this hookup happen? Three weeks ago

How would you best classify this hookup (e.g., one-night stand, fuck-buddies, friends-with-benefits, booty call, sex with an ex, short fling; paid sex…)? Sex with an ex

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? This was an ex, my first long time relationship. We were together for three years, but after I move to study 500 kilometeres away we decided to break it off.  It was a clean break. We had lived together since we met, and we still have a lot of common friends. After six months away from each other we finally had the talk. We met at high school and I remember the first time we had sex. I wasn’t particular experienced, and she wasn’t at all (I learned later in our relationship). I was her first.
I remember laying atop of her and telling her she was the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen. She still is, somehow. I’ve grown to idolize her beautiful body as a fond memory. She had a sexy hourglass body, long, blond and curly hair. Not chubby, but not fit. Later we started to excercise together, both with the thought to get sexier for each other. We became, somehow – and the after workout-sex was wonderful. Full of adrenaline and love.
In the beginning of our relationship we talked little of sex. But after a while I almost got obsessed of pleasuring her to the fullest. Since she had no experience before me, we got to learn eachother how to pleasure ourselves to the fullest.
At the end of our relationship, being long distance our sexual tension dropped. I wanted her, but she had too many thoughts going through her head. It was terrible. No love, no affection. It halted.
After we had the terrible, but kind of relieving “talk” we got eachother off one last time, we thought. It was weird, but nice.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? It began after the second time she was in town after our breakup. The first meeting we hugged so intense I got a boner. It felt so intense that when I masturbated when I got home, it was one of the greatest orgasms I’ve had while self-pleasuring myself for months. 
I got invited to dinner, with her and her father (I had rejected a few invitations after our breakup) but finally went. It was awkward. We went for a stroll and I got the urge to hug her. Touch her like I used too. I said something like, “am I crossing any borders here? Am I violating you?”.  She said no. It feels right, but at the same time wrong.  Aren’t we fucking this up? No pun intended. 
We contemplated. Discussed. I kissed her. She kissed me back. We watched the sunset, and I got a rush of endorphins, or happiness as we continued to caress each other. It was like old times. The most beautiful woman I’ve ever touched. 
After our walk I took the subway home. We kissed and my knees trembled.
The next day she asked me if I would come to a concert. I hesitated, but went anyway. It was awesome. During the dancing we agreed she would sleep at my place. We went home late at night and laid in my bed.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We laid there for a while, in my tiny 70cm-wide bed, naked and looked at each other. Was this the time? Was it right? I was so horny, I’m always with her.
We discussed it some more. After a lot of talking, combined with my almost too-much fondling she took off her top and said fuck it. 
I fingered her for a while, kissing her entire body. She tasted great. She gently took a grip of my penis and took my boxers off. We stroked eachothers genitals for a while. It felt right. 
After some foreplay we got nude and she got atop of me. She wasnt that wet already so I found some lube. I massaged her groin fondly. I slid my penis inside of her and she carefully started to ride me. This was our normal position and she usually came the fastest. The bed was small and while the intensity arised we had to move closer to the wall so she had both her feet in the bed. 
She rocked my world. We felt unison, but at the same time distant. It was the best sex we’ve had since before our six months with turmoil. She came while I was fingering her butthole and riding me. I loved her moans as she came and her shivers. I kissed her nipples and stroked her ass hard. 
I usually climax later when she is on top so after she came we did it it missionary. She grabbed my ass, and fingered my asshole as I came within her. 
I can’t describe how wonderful it was. I shivered.
After I came I found some toilet paper to clean off the sperm that slowly slid out of her vagina. It was like old times, almost. We laughed and talked freely. I kissed her but she didn’t kiss me back as I did. I felt good, but at the same time I was wondering how I was. Am I violating her? She denied. It’s sex, she said.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? In the midst of our relationship I got an outburst of herpes. That was the time I learned that I was her first. I damned my two exes, who had cheated on me but since we were monogamous in our time together we rarely used protection. Unless she fucked up the timing with the pill of course. Then we used condoms. The hookup was without condom, and a while after I almost panicked that she wasn’t on the pill. I later learned that she was. No stress.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? I guess this was something we had to do. I was, and kind of still am, pretty sexually frustrated. I hadn’t had any sex since our breakup and was becoming more and more… well. Frustrated. It’s kind of weird. I got a lot of female friends and my attitude, well. My eyes wander. It is weird how I crave physical contact with women more than I did. But it’s kinda normal as well. I constantly remind myself of my own boundaries and I’m very attentive to any moves that can seem wrong or misleading.  Sometimes I almost think to tell my female friends to wear something more “covering” while I’m visiting. I guess they’re a little bit to comfortable around me. Well, things have changed. I’m almost not comfortable around my beautiful female friends.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? When we talked about her staying over at my place we were sober. Before and after the concert we drank some beer and I guess we were intoxicated. But on the long walk home we kinda sobered up. I guess.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After the hookup I felt numb. I know that the next time we’ll meet, we won’t have sex. I think it was a good afterbreakupsexthing that we just had to get over with. I’m not in love with her, but I miss waking up or falling asleep with her. I dream about her occasionally. I hope someday we’ll eventually end up together again, or we’ll find love elsewhere. I don’t know. I just want her to be happy.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? After our hookup I felt bottled up. I wanted to tell everyone. 
Anyone. My new school-friends have a pretty open relationship about sex, hookups etc.
It’s almost weird how much we talk about our experiences. Female friends included. But this was just before the summer break, so no one  was home, except one. He invited me to watch the World Cup (soccer) with him and during the match I just wanted to yell it out. Unfortunately his girlfriend, and weirdly enough, her parents and grandparents were present. So it wasn’t the time. When the game ended we walked home and I blurted it out in the stairs. It felt great. Someone knew.
My friend is very experienced. Both with sex and relationships.
He almost shrugged. “glad you guys got that away” he said. Like it’s some kind of ritual. I thought to myself; seriously? Was this expected. For him it was. He was just glad I got my rocks off. I guess. I haven’t told anyone else.

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? It was consensual and wanted. I guess I was very frustrated. I still am. Kinda. 
We talked this through. Almost too much. I guess that was something that led to us doing it. Our breakup was so clean, that our relationship almost hasn’t changed.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? I do not. I wish I could have her everyday.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? The best thing was that it sparked some kind of closure. And since closure is in my view a little bit negative word, it was great that it was real sex. Our tense breakup-period-sex was awful. Both in deep thoughts and no where in place to pleasure. The worst is a mixture between nostalgic romanticism of her as women and us as a couple. It hasn’t changed anything specifically. But I do think a lot about how my next sexual encounter with a “stranger” would turn out to be. We are so comfortable with eachother and the thought of a semi-random hookup is a bit terrifying. 
I’m still now sure how I should approach it. I’m just wondering on how the reaction would be if I asked this potential partner “well what do you like?” ’cause that is my goal. To pleasure someone. I’m not that experienced that I know some magic trick that would solve this encounter perfectly. I’m nervous. But eager. Or to put it bluntly. Horny. As hell.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

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