The Night I Was Almost Raped

by Carrie

Gender: Female
Age: 27
Race/ethnicity: White
Location: Washington, DC
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
Occupation: Reporter
Relationship status: Engaged
Religious affiliation: Catholic
How religious are you? A little
Sexual orientation: Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 7
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? One

The Night I Was Almost Raped

How long ago did this hookup happen? Nine Years

How would you best classify this hookup (e.g., one-night stand, fuck-buddies, friends-with-benefits, booty call, sex with an ex, short fling; paid sex…)? Sexual Assault

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Matt was a tall jock, brown hair and both a football and basket ball player. He was a popular guy and I had known him for years, and I was a bit flattered he was interested in me. We had flirted at lunch a bit and yes, I was attracted to him.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We were at a party, had a beer each and had gone off by ourselves. We had started kissing and making out and I let him get pretty handsey and grope me a bit and I had a skirt on so he put his hand on my thigh and began to work his way up.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? I wasn’t quite ready to have sex and asked him to stop and he didn’t. I got a bit more forceful and he got rough with me but I forced him off. He grabbed and tore my blouse so I punched him in the solar plexus. I am the only child of an overprotective cop father so his little girl knows how to fight, and I don’t think Matt was expecting this and I got away from him and ran home.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? None, never came up and he didn’t really get that far with me.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? I didn’t want to have this hookup.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? A beer each, thinking back and from some things I have learned since he may have had more and possibly taken something.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I took a bunch of showers, I felt really dirty. This took me a long time to get over, I didn’t even go near another guy until my first year of college. I was hurt and really angry with Matt as well. Considering what I did to him, I was never really afraid of Matt and he stayed away from me.
I think the worst part of this was that Matt was arrested his freshman year for raping another girl. I felt really guilty for a long time for not coming forward and it took a lot of therapy for me to realize what Matt did was not my fault.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told a school counselor and met two other girls Matt had assaulted, one of whom I am actually still quite close to. I also told a few of my friends and word got around and girls stayed away from Matt. I also had to make sure my Dad never found out, as Matt most likely would never have been heard from again.

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? Not for me at all, Matt would have raped me if I had not stopped him.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? I regret what happened and putting myself in that position where I could be attacked.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Nothing good, and I feel the worst part was not coming forward and another girl being assaulted before Matt had any consequences. I have been a lot more careful with men since and careful that I am not in that dangerous a situation again.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Not at all positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Very negative

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