Therapy

by Charlotte

Gender: Female
Age: 22
Race/ethnicity: Caucasian
Location: UK
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
Occupation: Waitress
Relationship status: In a Relationship
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
Sexual orientation: Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 11
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Therapy

How long ago did this hookup happen? 2 years

How would you best classify this hookup (e.g., one-night stand, fuck-buddies, friends-with-benefits, booty call, sex with an ex, short fling; paid sex…)? Fuck-buddies

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He was tall and very much a smooth talker. I met him through a friend, who he was ‘seeing’ at the time. Their encounter quickly ended and after bumping into each other in a bar one night things started to heat up between us and there was a clear attraction to one another, we hooked up for the first time shortly after, which ended after 2 or 3 weeks.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? During our original hook up I was getting over my ex and he was the first person to show interest after a pretty traumatic breakup. I was very confused about my feelings and my sexual experience and he quickly moved on to other things (a perky American exchange student) I was hurt at first but I realised quickly that I wasn’t mad at him I was mad that I’d so quickly offered myself to him, endorsed by the pain of my breakup. So I got on with it, had other sexual partners and a short term relationship. However, almost the instant this relationship was ending, the two of us began talking again through text and social media. And it was quite clear, without us having to say it to one another that we both wanted to get back to where we’d left off, almost 6 months before.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? The relationship was rather black and white, to the both of us. One of us would text each other during the day time, usually saying something along the lines of “need some company tonight?” Or “my house is empty, come round?” And this went on the same for a few months. I would turn up at his house or vice-versa we’d watch a film, but would only manage half of it before getting into it. The sex was not highly adventurous. We both knew what we enjoyed and so would keep it simple, some hair pulling, different positions, we tried anal and quickly decided we’d stick to what we both did best, this often excluded oral as surprisingly neither of us were fans of receiving it. After doing it a few times a night, we would fall asleep and I’d leave the following morning. Sometimes we hung out away from the bedroom, walks round the city or we’d cook together. But that was about it, there wasn’t much depth but there was fun and passion. He was a giving lover and we had a high appreciation for each other in the bedroom, but there was little else there.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? I knew he’d had a lot of sexual partners, around 30-40+, both male and female, which didn’t bother me much, and I enjoyed being with someone more experienced after my previous sexual partners who had very little experience. I’d recently come off the contraceptive pill and we used condoms every time we had sex, however after we’d stopped seeing each other I decided it would be a good idea to get a check up, just in case, but all was fine.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? The rush and the excitement of a no strings attached sexual partner was somewhat invigorating to me at the time. I felt more confident and sexy, like I was wanted. A feeling which I wasn’t used to. I lead a busy and stressful life style, and it was like a release for me. The excitement of both of you going on a night out separately, but leaving together at the end of the night. Quick and easy access, but the independence I’d learnt to cherish after my breakup was very much still intact. I had no strong emotional link to him, and I felt in control.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? There were occasions when drugs and alcohol were involved, but we both performed better without the involvement of either of these things, so we tended to avoid them.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? At first I was disappointed, it ended quite abruptly and he started seeing someone else soon after. But in many ways I’d expected it to happen, as I never took it very seriously. So I soon moved on, I see him every now and again and we don’t speak, which is a little odd but we are both in relationships now and so it’s probably for the best. I would have liked to have stayed friends but I don’t think that’s how he operates. I don’t look back at it with anger or regret, I’m happy and grateful for the experience I shared with him.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My close friends knew about him, some male friends were a little shocked, and some perhaps didn’t quite understand. But I didn’t really pay attention to that, I felt powerful with it, as it was someone my other friends didn’t know. I was going to do it anyway, even if they didn’t approve. (I’ve grown up somewhat since then).

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? Very much so, all cards were on the table. I think.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? I don’t regret it at all, it was a life experience in some ways, trial and error. I learnt a lot about myself sexually, and a lot about other men. This wasn’t my last hook up and I had a lot of fun. I certainly would re-live it if I could, and would probably do it again if a similar opportunity arose with someone else.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It definitely changed my view of casual sex at the time, I didn’t really believe in casual sex before that. Couldn’t really imagine being sexually active with someone if there were no relationship prospects. But I think I needed to let go of that, and discover my sexuality. I became a lot more comfortable with my body and my confidence increased a lot, not just with men but in all aspects of my life. Sex is great escapism and relaxation. I think everyone needs some form of self sexual discovery in their lives. I still rate sex with someone you care about higher though, your enhanced feelings towards your sexual partner just makes it more enjoyable for both parties.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

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