The Time I Cheated but Also Couldn’t Cheat on My Ex

by Dbasry

What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 22
What’s your race/ethnicity? Middle Eastern
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Toronto, Canada
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Student
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 6
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

The Time I Cheated but Also Couldn’t Cheat on My Ex

How long ago did this hookup happen? 2011

What was your relationship status at the time? Was seeing someone but also still talking and sometimes sleeping with my ex

How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For 1 to 3 years

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? The first girl was someone I had gone to elementary and high school with but we weren’t too close although we were still friends. We never hung out outside of school or really had any meaningful conversations but we hung around the same people. She was my age so 17 at the time, Asian, very pretty, promiscuous and had a nice body. I felt pretty indifferent about her although she was also a casual friend of my ex as well.

The second girl was someone I went to high school with and was friends with the first girl. We didn’t really know each other too well but had spoken a few times before. She was also asian, but was only beginning to really explore sexually and had apparently lost her virginity that same weekend to another friend of mine. She was also 17 at the time.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We were on a student planned trip with a large number of students in our grade so about 200 of us. We went to Montreal for a week and stayed in one hotel and drank tons of alcohol. The two girls and I were rooming together with my other guy friend and I don’t even remember how we ended up staying together because none of us were really close.

With the first girl we were just drinking and were in the room alone and I think she instigated it by jumping into bed with me and it just happened. It wasn’t planned but I will say that we were both aware it was likely going to happen.

With the second girl we were both drunk and were getting ready to go out the club. There was only one bathroom in our room so while I was getting ready she came in and we just started getting into it. We were both pretty drunk so I can’t remember who instigated it or how it happened but like the first girl I think it was also pretty obvious to us that it was going to happen.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end?  We started making out and I went down on her but when it came down to have sex I couldn’t get hard. At the time I blamed it on the alcohol but looking back it likely was because I felt guilty. My ex who still had deep feelings for me and who I still had feelings for as well was just a few rooms away and this was also someone she was friends with. At that point I had only ever had sex with my ex so even though I really wanted to, something was just stopping me from going all the way.

With the second girl we moved from the bathroom on to a bed and I also went down on her and we spent a good amount of time just touching one another. She tried to get me hard but we ran into the same problem. We decided we should just go and get ready but while we were in the bathroom we started going at it again and we came close but it wasn’t working. We started to shower together and that made things easier and as we were about to fuck, my ex-girlfriend walked into the washroom and saw us…it ruined everything and the girl I was hooking up with ran out while I pulled my clothes on and chased after my ex.

I felt very excited during both experiences and they were all in the same weekend. They both were just as into it as I was. We didn’t really talk much throughout the process, we just sort of did it. Being drunk really blurs the experience because there isn’t much emotion involved it’s just purely physical.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat

Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close

Did your partner have an orgasm? I don’t know

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I felt guilty that my ex who very clearly still was involved in my life had to see that. I think I felt good that I was able to hook up with these two girls so casually and even though I didn’t get to have sex with them I was pretty pleased with myself. Looking back at it now, sometimes I wish that I had actually done it and I even fantasize about them a little. There were absolutely no hopes or expectations, neither girls are or were people I would date. I don’t have any feelings about them now, I don’t ever see them or talk to them but I wouldn’t turn down another opportunity to have sex with them.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Thought it was an important experience to have, Intoxication, Boredom, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it, It was easy / convenient

How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? Drunk/high but not wasted

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Lots of people at the time because it was exciting at that age, they reacted with surprise, laughter, excitement and some just shook their head.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Mixed (Some positive, some negative)

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I guess knowing that I could and just having fun with someone else without having anything attached to it.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The fact that I hurt someone that I loved in the process.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? A little bit, having that experience makes it easier for me not to stigmatize others or judge other people when they talk about casual sex experiences.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I’ve had a weird relationship with casual sex, when I’m in a relationship I think the idea of it bothers me and that’s probably because I become a little protective. When I’m single then I think it’s fantastic and there’s nothing threatening about it for me. The older I get and the more experiences I have with relationships, being single and being attached as well as letting go of others the more liberal I become about sex.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it’s really cool, it’s important to be able to understand these things better.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!