15 Minutes with an Ex



What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 44
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? USA
Highest education received: Some college (not currently in college)
What’s your occupation? IT Professional
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (open)
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 20+
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? one

15 Minutes With an Ex

How long ago did this hookup happen? 15 years ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Dating casually

How would you best classify this hookup? Sex with an ex

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For more than 3 years

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? She’s Brazilian, 5’4, large breasts, tiny waist, horrible temper. She was my ex wife, divorced for roughly a year after a pretty failed marriage, and a very failed trial open relationship period. We were friends, but by this point, our friendship was fading.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We were at a club together, hanging out with a few mutual friends. No planning at all, at least none on my end.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? I was the designated driver, she was the designated drinker. When we got back home (yeah, we still lived together, though I lived in the apartment behind the house/above my shop), she was clearly drunk. I brought her to bed, kinda tossed her down, and started leaving. As I was half way out the door, she said, “I slept with people first,” alluding to the open relationship we had for a while. I was a bit angry, as I knew she slept with others before we opened up, but whatever. We’re divorced, it’s over anyway. Still, I couldn’t walk out the door. I started saying something as she was taking her shirt off. Saw the tits and, well, sorta didn’t care to say anything anymore. I walked to the bed, taking my clothes off, as she took the rest of her clothes off. Neither one of us said a word. She bit my chest, I slapped her ass *hard*, then held her down and fucked her as she “fought” against me. We’d often had rough sex, had an established safe word, and this is how much of our sex life had been in the past… though this was probably a bit more intense than before. I pulled out, came on her tits, then got up to leave. She said, “I didn’t really do that, I just wanted you to fuck me really hard,” as I left.

The thing is, she did really do that. I knew she cheated on me. This was the closest she’d come to admitting it, though.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one

Did your partner have an orgasm? I don’t know

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I felt a little used, but not necessarily in a bad way… after all, I did get laid. So, there’s that. I saw her the following evening, and she never mentioned anything about it.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None, Withdrawal

What were your motives for this hookup? Power / Dominance, It was easy / convenient

How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How intoxicated was your partner? Drunk/high but not wasted

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? A little bit

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but didn’t give a ‘no’

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? The girl I was sorta dating at the time. She was excited, wanted to hear the details, also kinda jealous.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Mixed (Some positive, some negative)

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The “one last time” aspect of it. We were divorced, selling the house we lived in together, and our friendship was drifting apart.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Worrying that she would get pregnant. I was TERRIFIED immediately after walking out of the room.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? No.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? This was during a dark time of my life- divorced, still living with my ex, not sure where to go with my life. Having sex is great… though I wasn’t really comfortable with casual sex at that point in my life, yet.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? It’s awesome!

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!