Affair with My Ex



What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 42
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Southeastern USA
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Healthcare
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Somewhat
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 8
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? Zero

Affair with My Ex

How long ago did this hookup happen? 10 years ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Engaged/Married (monogamous)

How would you best classify this hookup? Sex with an ex

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For more than 3 years

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? “Tanner” and I had dated in college. At the time he was three years older than me. He was my 2nd boyfriend, I was a sophomore in college and he was a 5th-year senior.
My first BF and I had dated from junior year of high school until the end of our freshman year of college. He was the only guy I had ever had sex with. “Tanner” was my 2nd, we dated for 2 years, I look back at that time as a sexual awakening. I lost the “vanilla” of my first sexual relationship.
Jump forward 10 years. Friend request of Facebook from “Tanner”. I accepted. Three hours from where we went to college, we are living literally 10 minutes apart and have for several years (neither of us knew this). He was married. I was married and had one kid.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? From reconnecting on Facebook we quickly moved to texting. First, we were just catching up, it was not flirty at all. He asked if I wanted to catch up in person, I was hesitant but agreed. We met at Chili’s one afternoon and had a pitcher of margaritas with chips and salsa. At the end, he said he had some old pictures for me to take and look through (mutual friends, parties etc.) and see if I wanted any. It was raining so he got them from his truck and met me in my car. There we kissed.
After that, the texts became very flirty. I knew I was playing with fire. One fall weekend my husband had traveled with friends to a college football game out of town (5-6 hours away). On that Friday night, the texting got HOT and we talked on the phone. Saturday afternoon it started again. I was chasing a toddler but was loving the attention and flirty nature of our texts. He wanted to meet for drinks again. I could not come up with an excuse for my family to babysit. I suggested it, “after _____’s bedtime, you bring beers over here and we can hang on my patio” (fenced backyard).

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? So after my kid was in bed and his wife went to work he came over (about 9 pm). We sat on the patio, drank beers, talked and laughed until around midnight. He got up and was standing against a rail to the steps, I returned from the bathroom inside. I was standing there and we kissed. I hesitated. He said he should go. We went inside, he emptied his cooler and was going to place last two beers in my refrigerator. I suggested we finish them. So he leaned against the kitchen counter, and I sat on the island. We talked and finished the beers. I reached for his empty bottle, he stepped toward me and we kissed again. This time passionately, and I did not stop. We made out in the kitchen. When my hands were in his pants and my top off, I grabbed my baby monitor and we moved to the guest bedroom in the basement. Once there, we were soon both naked. I gave him a BJ first, after he came he kissed me and gave me AWESOME clit and nipple play before going down on me. After that I was on top first, for intercourse and score a great orgasm riding him as he rubbed my clit and nipples. We finished, my ass on the edge of the bed, him standing between my legs, delivering hard strokes while holding my legs.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We laid on the bed and talked a few minutes. He left around 1.30 am. The next day I felt like a slut for cheating, I cried, felt nauseated, had no appetite.
Then the flirty texts started and I jumped right back in. We hooked up 2-3 times a month after that, for a little over a year.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Intoxication, To feel more confident, I was feeling lonely, It was easy / convenient

How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Told one girlfriend 6 years later when hubby and I were separating for divorce

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Neutral

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat

Do you regret this hookup? A little bit

Why do you regret this hookup? It probably made the 2nd affair easier, that led to the end of my marriage.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Great Sex!!!

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? It probably made the 2nd affair easier, that led to the end of my marriage.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? not really

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? If you want it, you should do it. YOLO!

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!