An Ex Refreshment



What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 37
Highest education received: Some college (not currently in college)
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Atheist
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 9
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

An Ex Refreshment

How long ago did this hookup happen? 10 years ago

What was your relationship status at the time? In a relationship (monogamous)

How would you best classify this hookup? One-night stand

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For more than 3 years

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? She was relatively tall, thin but curvy, light-skinned brunette.
We were a couple a few years before for about 2 and a half years.
We did hook up before right after we split, and also another time about a year later, but that’s another story…
I was still attracted to her and really appreciated her as a person (still do!)

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? She was living abroad for a couple of years and was just coming back to town or visiting, can’t remember for sure.
My buddy was a good friend of hers even before we were dating, and the 3 of us ended up in a local bar on a Saturday night (I told my girlfriend I was out with that guy, not mentioning an ex was also involved).
We sat at the bar with her between us guys and we all shared stories and had a a few drinks.
Going there, I had no intention of sleeping with her that night but as she was finishing her 2nd glass of wine i noticed she was sitting much closer to me then to our other friend.
By the 3rd drink, we were already touching, hips side-by-side, and I had my hand on her lower back under her jacket while she kept touching my hand and hip.
When we left, she said she was too drunk to drive and I should drive (where we live, laws used to be more relaxed about alcohol and driving, and it was a 5 minute drive through a quiet countryside suburb anyway) so we dropped our friend at his house, telling him I was just going to park her car and walk home (we all lived a walking distance from each other). obviously, that did not happen and after having her arms on me the whole time while I was driving, we ended up kissing after I parked the car and we quietly went up to her moms apartment.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We had very steamy sex, longer than I ever had before, very close and intimate very passionate.
She gave me a short blowjob and it was all pretty amazing I guess.
I ended up staying there and we cuddled and went to sleep without talking much.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I was pretty satisfied, we didn’t talk about this much, I didn’t expect anything from her and she felt the same.
We woke up, I had a coffee and walked home and on with my day.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Intoxication, It was easy / convenient

How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high

What substances did you consume? Alcohol, Marijuana, hashish

How intoxicated was your partner? Drunk/high but not wasted

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Somewhat

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Very few friends, definitely not the one who was with us at the bar…
I did speak with her about this. She didn’t mention anything about that night but was feeling a bit uncomfortable as she felt like she was ‘that woman’ while I was in a relationship. Maybe she felt this way because her father was a serial cheater…

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? It felt familiar, but different, like not having ice-cream for a long time and then having a whole pint.
It was VERY passionate, very intimate and physically close and very different than the sex I had with my girlfriend at that time.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? That she was living with her mom who was very surprised seeing me there (and the fact that she knew MY mom and mentioned that to her sometime later)

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes.
It was one of only 2 times I ever cheated on any of my girlfriends.
I wasn’t sure how I was going to feel but I never had any regrets.
Is was so passionate, so much more that the sex I had with my then girlfriend. So much that sex afterwards was feeling lame. Not because I didn’t love my girlfriend but because It was a whole other level of intimacy and passion.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I think it has a time and place, especially when you are young and experimenting, traveling away from home a lot or for a long period of time or just need some excitement when you don’t get it at home, even temporarily.
I can see how it can become a habit

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Great idea!
There a few stories I can relate to, and to me it just shows how normal that can be.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!