Enten-Eller

by B.

What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 21
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? Lisbon, Portugal
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Student
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None

Enten-Eller

How long ago did this hookup happen? Two days.

What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status

How would you best classify this hookup? Sex with an ex

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For 1 to 3 years

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? We met when I first came to Lisbon to study. She was a tall, curly-ish and light brown haired girl two years older than me, finishing her degree. The night we met, we talked about poetry and politics and we had tequila shots. She was wearing a blue-ish long skirt and gentle locks of hair were falling along her forehead and the sides of her head. She had a wide smile, but the amazing capability of putting on the most judgemental look. I didn’t think about that night for another 6 months, when I, for some reason, texted her. We started talking. I fell in love quickly, but I was a very emotionally immature 19 year-old at the time. It’s fair to say she changed my life, as I had to leave a former partner of so many years to be with her. Three or four months later, she was gone, to study abroad. We agreed to break up, understandingly. Everything was left unresolved.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? After a dinner with friends, we all went to a concert nearby. After the show, she texted me, wondering where I was at. I told her that I was alone and that she could come meet me, if she wanted to. She did. She was on her phone when she arrived, but tried to gently grab my hand. I took it as a hint and I was strangely satisfied. Later on, we sat down, with a glass of wine on our hands. She started getting closer and closer, tipsy that she was, and putting her head on my chest. She leaned in for a kiss. We kissed and fondled for quite some time. We went walking along the riverbanks, waiting for a bus home. It was not planned. I was supposed to go crash at a friends house. And I did. And so did she.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? I was amazingly tired – and still aching from a very hard day of work the day before. I wasn’t especially enthusiastic about the idea of sex. I was supposed to sleep in the living room – she, in our friends room. I turned on the TV, just so I could make some time for sobering up before lying down. When I heard her come into the living room, I knew what was about to happen. And I felt good about myself, as if I need to prove something and there was the proof. We made out for quite a bit, while she sat on my lap. She took off her clothes, and slipped me inside of her. I felt like I was going to cum, and I wasn’t very into it, tired and sleepy and worn out from the wine, so I gave her oral sex for god knows how long. My tongue was numb by the end of it. It took her a lot to reach an orgasm, but that only made it look more like old times. She then started to give me a blowjob, but, enthusiastically, sat on me once again and started riding me. I pulled out at once and masturbated until I came, looking her in the eye.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Not at all

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I went to the bathroom to clean myself up. She tried cuddling, but the couch was too small. Eventually, she left and went to sleep at our friends bedroom. We did not talk about it and I don’t expect much to come of this. I’m not looking for love.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) None

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, To feel better about myself, I was feeling lonely, Didn’t want to disappoint my partner, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it, It was easy / convenient

How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? A little bit

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I haven’t talked to anyone.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Doing it again, after so much time.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? How tired I was and how that stopped me to be more into it.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It made me think about it more seriously. But it made me think more about loneliness, actually. How lonely we all really are, how jamming body parts into each other don’t make us less alone. It made me think about how frustrating sex is, how frustrating the will-to-life/live is, how we’re just animals trying to propagate the species and how that makes us unbelievably depressed once we cum. Supposing i’m not the only one who feels this way.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Somewhat positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I guess it has had an emmancipatory role in my life. I had been monogamous for 5 years, with the same person I lost my virginity with. It was only when that relationship ended that I engaged in casual sex, mostly because I felt like that would make me happy/satisfied in a way. I was wrong. There was an existential crisis instead, where guilt had a great role.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!