Hooking Up With an Ex You Truly Love but Share a Difficult Past

by Adrian

What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 29
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? Brussels
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (currently pursuing)
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 10
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Hooking Up With an Ex You Truly Love but Share a Difficult Past

How long ago did this hookup happen? 2 days

What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status

How would you best classify this hookup? Sex with an ex

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For more than 3 years

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I know her very well and she knows me very well too. We did shared a lot of deep discussions about our past relationship and why it went wrong and how eventually we could make better. Despite all this she isn’t ready to have a new relationship together again. We didn’t have news from each other for one month and a half. She invited me for a lunch, shared nice stories then went out with a group of friends to see a concert. After she brought me back home because it was on her way home too. Saying goodbye I felt she wanted a hug. So we hugged a long time, ended up in kisses like we used to do at high school (which was very nice) and slowly hotter until the moment I asked her if she wanted to bring me back to her place.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I sure wanted to go further in what we share. Build a new relationship again. But I was a bit hurt when I heard during the pillow talk how unready she was to get back together again.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms

What were your motives for this hookup? Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more, Thought it was an important experience to have

How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? A little bit

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? A little bit

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? A close friend who knows little from our past story. He said it was just a way to get hurt again because at the end we don’t end up together. Despite the desire of one to get together again and the other which is in a position that really does not know what to do due to mixed feelings about the past broken relationship and previous cheating stories.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Mixed (Some positive, some negative)

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Feeling close again to somebody you love or loved or is still emotionally important.
We were sober, we didn’t expect it to happen in the first time but when we knew we were going that way, we shared our positions regarding our attraction to each other and our readiness or not to get beck together again. We both did accept the risks.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Pillow talk in the morning when I learned she was having casual sex from time to time with others.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? No

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Casual sex can be destrutive as positive.
Sometimes, you’re more interested in the pillow talk with the partner than the sex in itself. When you look for a pillow talk with a sex partner because you cannot get to feel close enough to your actual partner despite you want it, having casual sex outside the couple can be destructive. If you love your partner but need to escape trough casual sex -> this is not a good idea. Won’t solve the initial problem and only brings more distance in your actual couple. As well as distance between yourself and the actual values you sheris in life. Especially if loyalty is important. But feel you can’t be loyal becaus emotionally hurt by the partner you love

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!