I Want You Back

by Lilith

: Female
Age: 43
Race/ethnicity: European
Current location: Asia
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
Occupation: teacher
Relationship status: married
Religious affiliation: former catholic
How religious are you? A little
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexual orientation/sexuality better/best? I felt slightly bisexual at uni, but not now
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 17
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

I Want You Back

How long ago did this hookup happen? 22 years ago

How would you best classify this hookup (e.g., one-night stand, fuck-buddies, friends-with-benefits, booty call, sex with an ex, short fling; paid sex…)? Sex with an Ex/sho rt fling

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He was my former boyfriend. I had been with him for 3.5 years, including 2.5 years living together. The hook-up happened six months after we broke up. He was gorgeous, tall, dark and handsome. 6’1″ with thick curly black hair and blue eyes. His body was like Michaelangelo’s David, only with a much bigger cock. He had the biggest penis I’ve ever laid hands on, I could not get my hand around it actually. I broke it off – for the first few months, he kept begging me to come back, while I stayed strong. Then I heard he had a new girlfriend, around the time he started to be friendly and cheerful to me (we shared social groups at uni, so I saw him often). All my love and desire for him surged back when I heard he had another woman. Suddenly I wanted him again – I didn’t want to go back to being his partner, or living together, I just wanted reassurance that he loved and desired me still. At first that was all I thought I wanted…

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? At my new flat. We had dogs, and started at custody arrangement when we broke up, with me or him picking up or dropping off the dogs. When we first broke up I was at a friend’s place, now I’d moved into a new place, and was currently living alone. Just after I heard about his new girlfriend, he came over to drop back a book, and I made him coffee and started asking him about her. I’ve always been pretty open and forward, and curious, and I asked him lots of questions about her and how they met. I just wanted to know! I explained that it hurt me to hear he was with someone because I still loved him, and I asked him if he still loved me, he said ‘I dunno’ (typical answer for this guy). I said, ‘so you don’t love me’, he said ‘I didn’t say that’, then ‘what if I did?’ I explained nothing would change, I didn’t want to go back. Then he just said ‘So should we have sex then?’ I immediately creamed. I said ‘we shouldn’t’ but he just stood up and came over to me and pulled me up, and we just went into my bedroom.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We went into my room and kissed, and I smelled him! We always had a strong physical attraction, including smell. I told him he smelled like HIM and I loved it! We stood, kissing, and removed each other’s clothes. Then we had oral sex, then he got me off, then put it in me. He was so big, and I’d forgotten how gorgeous and fulfilling a nice BIG dick felt! We fucked really hard, in several different positions before he came on my belly. We had sex again and he came again.

Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? We both did, me first, him twice.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? We started out using a condom but took it off. We’d never liked condoms much! He’s big, and it would rub.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? Jealously, ego and LUST

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? no

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We met up again for sex four more times after this. We talked vaguely around the subject of getting back together, with him hedging his bets and me being vaguely evasive. It ultimately ended when his current girlfriend found out and asked him to promise not to do it again, while at the same time I was booking my ticket to travel overseas.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I talked to one of my best friends, who then told someone else, resulting in his new girlfriend ultimately finding out.

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? YES

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? NO. Or yes. No because it was so HOT and I loved feeling loved and appreciated and LOVED feeling that I had the ascendency over *her* and that, if I wanted, he would drop her in a moment and come back to me. And yes, because instead of leaving the relationship cleanly, we both opened our emotions back up again, resulting in more heartache. Because when I left him, I felt so sure I was right to leave him, and no longer loved him – but after this series of hook-ups, I loved him again (while still not wanting to be with him), and I’ve held that love in my heart for 22 years now! Might have been better

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? The best thing, apart from the hot sex, was feeling wanted and loved and ascendent over my successor in his life. It was good for my ego. The worst was the how it re-ignited my love for him, leaving me unable to forget him two decades later. At the time, I’d only had 4 sexual partners, and had never thought that I would be the ‘other woman’ in a love triangle. I don’t agree morally with cheating… but I did it! I realized I can inhabit a duality – acknowledging that it’s wrong, but doing it anyway. I felt that, because he had been mine before, that it didn’t count somehow. He was MINE, not hers.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup or anything else? I saw him just a few days later at his place, with other people around. We both pretended nothing had happened, but I was still walking round with a sore cunt from that big dick hard fucking, so I knew it did!

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!

What’s Your Fantasy? Click here to be part of the largest survey on sexual fantasies ever!