What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 38
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Los Angeles, CA, USA
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Buisness Owner
What’s your current relationship status? In a serious relationship (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 15
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? None
How long ago did this hookup happen? Over a Year Ago
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? Sex with an ex
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For more than 3 years
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? M and I have quite the history, we first met in college and started dating right away. We married our senior year and spent much of our twenties as a couple. We divorced nine years prior (almost ten now) and had a history of hooking up when we were between partners. We also have a daughter together so M has never completely been out of my life and never will be. We have both remarried and I have been divorced a second time. He is a tall, fit man with dark hair. I have always been attracted to him and it had also been quite a few years since our last hookup.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? M had come to my place to discuss an issue with my daughter. I hadn’t been dating much since my last divorce and part of me was feeling a bit lonely and I will admit part of me was quite horny. I was also off work that day and had been drinking a bit.
So as I said M had come by and we had been talking. I knew from my daughter that M and his wife were having trouble. M was a bit flirty while we were talking and he hugged me when he left and I let it go on too long. M kissed me and one thing led to another
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Before I realized what was happening clothes were coming off and M had me bent over the table in my dining room and was trusting himself inside me. He had me pinned by the neck and pushed me back down whenever I shifted, and I was enjoying just being taken. It was a bit rougher than I normally go for and I was also a bit more submissive than I normally am during sex.
He was grunting a lot and it only went on for about five minutes but we both orgasmed. Afterwards, M apologized for about how rough he had been. He said my tits looked nice (I had them done about a year before this) and also asked about a tattoo on my back he had not seen before. He dressed and gave me a kiss goodbye and left before I had even put any clothes on.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? This started a pattern of regular hookups between me and M. He would come by two or three times a week and we would fuck. M said he wasn’t getting any at home and it never moved beyond a booty call. I’m not a fool and I knew this wasn’t going anywhere but I was enjoying the sex and the forbidden and dirty aspect of it. This went on for about two months until he started talking about leaving his wife and I heard she was pregnant. At that point I broke things off, realizing he was trying to have his marriage and sex with me at the same time.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Intoxication, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely, Submission / Relinquishing power, Boredom, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it, It was easy / convenient
How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Never told anyone, decided it was better not to
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Do you regret this hookup? A little bit
Why do you regret this hookup? Because he lied to me about his motives and his marriage
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The sex was pretty hot
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Being lied to
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? As I said part of me regrets this and I was a fool to trust M. While he is my daughter’s father, it had made me rethink my opinion of M. He never really showed a wandering eye when we were married and we had an active sex life up until the end of the marriage. We split up because outside of the bedroom we weren’t spending any time together. Again this was ten years ago. However, this did give me a push and on the rebound a bit from this I did meet my current boyfriend.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Somewhat positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? It’s a huge part of life and in society. I have had a few men I would have considered casual over the years.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? It’s interesting
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