Old Lovers Die Hard

by Samantha

Gender: Female
Age: 25
Race/ethnicity: Hispanic
Location: Miami, FL
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (currently pursuing)
Occupation: Psychologist
Relationship status: Single
Religious affiliation: None
How religious are you? Not at all
Sexual orientation: Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 3
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Old Lovers Die Hard

How long ago did this hookup happen? Four months

How would you best classify this hookup (e.g., one-night stand, fuck-buddies, friends-with-benefits, booty call, sex with an ex, short fling; paid sex…)? Sex with an ex

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? This guy was the best looking and charming ex I had but the only one I never slept with. He wasn’t the type to get emotionally attached and was very forward with me since the beginning. He was my first kiss and first relationship. We met when I was 14 and dated until I was 15. We kept in minimal contact throughout my additional 2 relationships thereafter. At 25 and single, he stopped texting and starting calling me. We decided to meet at a local bar after not seeing each other for 10 years. We enjoyed a couple beers together and the conversation turned quickly from vanilla to completely sexual.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? My relationships after this ex lasted 7 years and 2 years respectively. I was one to be the “conservative” friend and typically judged those who had one night stands or hook ups. I felt it just wasn’t right (emotionally that is). However, in this situation he definitely instigated it and was very clear that he did not want anything else. When the first meet up ended, I told him I couldn’t do it although I did want to be spontaneous for once.  He smirked and said he’d call me later just to see if I changed my mind… and surprisingly I did. (He was the hottest one I dated and didn’t sleep with… come on! I missed it once, I wasn’t going to miss the opportunity again) So.. We met at his place and gave it a go.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? When we gave it a go… it wasn’t that great for me but he seemed pleased. lol There wasn’t any oral or kinky stuff which was common in my previous relationships. This was just different- although he was dominant and forward in our meet up.. he was just so passive and vanilla during sex. I felt outside of myself and not fully present in the moment. After he finished, I quickly got dressed and was ready to leave. He wanted to cuddle and have me sleep the night. Unfortunately, I just wasn’t feeling it.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? Condoms were used and I am on the pill. Talk about full protection lol.  STIs were briefly joked about during our meet up…ending with neither of us having any.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? I just got out of a breakup and this ex was much better looking than the others. I wanted to try something new… I always judged others for hooking up. I wanted to stop judging and just accept it.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? Yes…. 2 beer & 3 shots. Not a nice combo.

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After the hookup, I went home which was an hour away from his house. It was a long drive of “processing.”  I was hoping to never hear from this ex again. But… he texts me randomly to reconnect. I am pretty ambivalent about him now. The mystery is gone really…he is just another ex.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I spoke to my sister who I frequently gave lectures to about hooking up. lol She was open to listening to the experience and offered great advice. I also spoke with a friend of mine who thought it was risky and irresponsible. I just laughed and said , “one day it will happen to you.”

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? It was consensual.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? Not at all. Although it wasn’t a romantic, heart pounding, exciting moment… it was an experience that was needed. I think that following the straight and narrow path isn’t always the best route to take. It is important to experiment and learn more about yourself through trial and error than by what others tell you to be. I might hook up again, who knows but I definitely do not regret it.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? The best thing was knowing I was capable of doing something I thought I’d never do. It was liberating and it gave me a sense of control over my life. I was able to connect and disconnect in a way I never thought I could.
The worst thing… was a passive, sloppy, and uneventful sexual experience! haha weird. But again… it was an experience!
This hookup definitely changed the way I think about casual sex. Its just sex- not love and there shouldn’t be so much pressure on two people to perform with so many restrictions. I think it should be a carefree and pleasurable experience for both parties involved.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

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