One More Time For Old Time’s Sake



What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 28
What’s your race/ethnicity? Mixed / Multiracial
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? Oakland, California
Highest education received: Some college (not currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Bartender
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Catholic
How religious are you? Very
What’s your sexual orientation? Mostly heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? hypersexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 70
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

One More Time For Old Time’s Sake

How long ago did this hookup happen? 2 weeks

What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status

How would you best classify this hookup? Sex with an ex

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For 1 to 3 years

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I’ve known him for a couple years, and we’ve sustained a casual sexual relationship for almost two years. We met in the bars in Oakland, and this time around, after ten months of not seeing him, I felt very tentative about spending time with him because my STD status changed and I believed it was because of him.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? After ten months of not speaking, I ran into him a bar about a month prior to the hook up. His best friend had been hitting on me, so I went up to him and told him. That sparked an exchange of phone numbers, and weeks later when his best friend was hitting on me again, I wound up texting him. This sparked a rekindling of our relationship, and it was at that point that I realized that if we were on speaking terms, I should tell him that after the last time we hooked up that I had an STD. I wasn’t sure how to tell him, and we met up for breakfast one day. A week later, he moved further away to Vallejo, and one night when he came back he texted me. My team had just lost the NBA finals, it was father’s day, and I had been drinking. He called me after midnight, after I had been asleep for an hour already. He asked to come over, and at first I said no. Then he called again after I said goodbye and asked again. This time I said yes, because I wanted to see him.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? He came over and sat on the bed. At that point, I wasn’t planning on having sex with him because I was mostly concerned about telling him about my STD status. He started kissing me after a few bars of conversation, and I pushed him away and told him we had to talk. He received the information fairly well, even taking some of the blame for what had happened. Immediately after, he started going down on me, which surprised me, because I thought that the STD conversation would make him not want to hook up. I was wrong. And I wanted to do it, because the whole STD debacle had made me feel pretty unsure of myself, and the fact that he wanted me even after the conversation – I was weak. I was vulnerable. And I enjoyed every minute of it. He ate me out til I came three or four times, and then we started having sex. It didn’t seem like he could keep it hard all the way, which didn’t surprise me because he has a history of substance abuse. So I just rolled with it. In previous hook ups, we had gotten into kinky shit like asphyxiation, ball gags, spanking, anal, ass eating, group sex, doing drugs. But I wasn’t ready for that that night, so we just did what we always do: fuck around with my hitachi vibrator while fucking and alternating with oral sex. Eventually we both fell asleep, and we woke up the next morning as I was off to a meeting.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

Did your partner have an orgasm? No

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? Well, most of my friends hate him because they think he’s a scumbag who’s on drugs and gave me an STD. While I have a lot of affection for him because I think he’s a person with incredible emotional depth and he’s capable of being vulnerable without compromising his sense of self and sense of masculinity, I know that this will never work out. We still talk almost every day, and we might hook up again. I appreciate him immensely because he is the only partner I have had in recent history who isn’t afraid of things about me such as my STD status, my sex blog, or my social position. But my friends are all upset that I am spending time with him because they think I’m better than him. Which I am, but there are things about him that keep me coming back.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) IUD (Intrauterine device), Discussed STI testing history

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Thought it was an important experience to have, Intoxication, To feel better about myself, Power / Dominance, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it, It was easy / convenient

How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? Drunk/high but not wasted

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol, Cocaine, MDMA, ecstasy, molly

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? All my friends. They are all angry.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively negative

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Cumming like 8 times

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Knowing that this kind of sex in this relationship is not sustainable, and knowing that this is the best sex of my life, and I won’t have this with any other person, and I certainly can’t keep having it with him over a long period of time.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yeah. I feel more confident and comfortable having had a successful conversation about STDs with someone I care about and want to like me.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I’ve been having casual sex for years, which is how I wound up with and STD. I don’t always use protection, even though I know I should. I’m a huge advocate for casual sex, and most of my friends engage in casual sex, as well. I write about it on my blog, Fuck Feast, and am happy to say that people are eager to talk to me about their sexual experiences, and they do it with gusto. I have a good idea of how people in my social circle react to sexuality, and we are all fairly sex positive and open minded. I’m happy to be able to contribute to that among my peers.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I love it!

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!