Sad Sad Sex

by Lo

Gender: Female
Age: 24
Race/ethnicity: White
Current location: Ohio
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
Occupation: Leadership Consultant
Relationship status: Single
Religious affiliation: Open Minded
How religious are you? Somewhat
Sexual orientation: Mostly heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexual orientation/sexuality better/best? 1 on the Kinsey scale.
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 1
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Sad Sad Sex

How long ago did this hookup happen? About 1 year ago

How would you best classify this hookup (e.g., one-night stand, fuck-buddies, friends-with-benefits, booty call, sex with an ex, short fling; paid sex…)? Sex with an Ex

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? We dated for about 8 months and I broke it off with him 2 weeks before the hookup. He was immature and I knew it wouldn’t last but it was a lot of fun while it lasted.  In the end I needed more from him and he wasn’t capable of it.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? Even though I broke up with him, I was pretty torn up about it. He was my first boyfriend, my first sexual partner. We were both invited to spend the weekend at a friend’s summer place for the 4th of July. I really wanted to see him. He almost didn’t come which really upset me and I essentially begged him to come. I didn’t have explicit intentions to hook up but I brought condoms just in case. I just wanted to sleep next to him at the very least. 
The whole weekend was awkward. We avoided each other. We were both incredibly sad. I felt bad for everyone else there. One friend said, it was so sad and pathetic and she didn’t know what to do about it.  But then the sun would go down and we would start drinking. Shot after shot after shot, I got incredibly wasted. I’m pretty sure both nights I made myself sick. Both times it happened, I was in the bathroom and he came in to talk to me.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? Did you have an orgasm? Did your partner(s)? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? It’s all a huge blur. There was a lot of talking, a lot of crying in the bathroom. I remember saying “I don’t want to lose you, you’re my best friend.” It was all very dramatic. And then we’d start kissing which quickly turned to both of us naked, me sitting on the sink and him thrusting away. I remember giving him a blow job and taking his balls into my mouth for the first time. He sat on the toilet and I rode him backwards with my hands on the ground. We made a mess of the bathroom. We knocked everything onto the ground, broke a couple of ceramic fish that were hanging on the wall. He came. I definitely didn’t. I almost never did. But I enjoyed myself all the same. This happened two nights in a row. And when we finished, we rejoined the party, ignoring each other until we went to bed.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? Did you discuss STI history? We were each others firsts, so STIs weren’t an issue. I was on the pill and he wore a condom part of the time. When he wasn’t wearing one, he pulled out and came on my stomach.

What were your REASONS for having this hookup? We were both sad, lonely, and missing each other. It was a way of consoling each other. It was selfish and we were simply using each other to make ourselves feel better.

Were alcohol or drugs involved? If so, how much? So much alcohol. Like I said, I made myself sick both nights. I can’t recall if it was before or after. At one point on the last night, we were all taking a shot of what was left of the liquor and I gave the toast. I said, “I’m already drunk, but I don’t want to feel anymore.”

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it? What are your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? When we went to sleep at night he tried to kiss me and hold my hand, but I wouldn’t let him. It was too intimate and I had no intention of getting back together with him. He rode home with me and it was a little awkward but we started hanging out again as friends for a while. We would still sleep next to each other when we stayed at a friends house and spent a lot of time with each other, never getting sexual. But I decided I couldn’t do that anymore, that I needed space. After a while of avoiding each other, we met up for coffee because I didn’t want him to think I hated him. I told him I was totally over it and that I didn’t mind being friends but I couldn’t spend all of my time with him or sleep next to him anymore. He said he still had feelings for me and that he was feeling depressed and lost. Besides a few gatherings around the holidays with friends, I haven’t spoken to him since.

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I told a number of my close friends as I worked through my feelings. They listened with no judgement.

Was this a consensual and/or wanted experience for you? For your partner? It was definitely consensual and we both wanted, maybe even needed, it.

Do you regret this hookup? If so, why? Not at all.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? How about the WORST? Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Best thing – It gave us some closure. 
Worst thing – It was sad and messy.
I haven’t had casual sex (or any sex) with anyone since that experience but I think I could. Having that experience definitely opened me up to the idea.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Somewhat positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup or anything else? For a brief second, I considered trying anal with him for the first time, so I put his cock up to my ass which totally took him by surprise.  But then I decided I didn’t want to try it because we didn’t have lube. The look on his face though was priceless. He said “Did you just?” And I was like “nope.” That’s one thing that was good with him, we never took sex too seriously. We could always laugh about stuff like that.

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