Sex with THE Ex



What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 33
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? Belgium
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Teacher
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Atheist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 20
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Sex with THE ex

How long ago did this hookup happen? couple of weeks

What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status

How would you best classify this hookup? Sex with an ex

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For more than 3 years

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He’s younger than me. We’ve had a very (too much) passionate relationship, on and off for 2 years. We met in a bar where he was working as student. We hadn’t seen each other in two years, took me some time to get over him at the time. The fact he moved to another country helped, as I wasn’t bound to run into him.

I thought I was over him.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We’ve been touch now and then. We recently sexted (for the first time). The morning after we sexted, he told me he was planning on coming to Brussels. I didn’t think he would. He then told that he was indeed coming, if his friends were able to let him stay at their place. I struggled but did my best not to tell him he could stay at mine. I felt strong, proud, and over him.
He didn’t tell me he was really coming. He just sent me a text saying, “I’m here”. My heart stopped. I left the date I was on, that’s how stressed and uncomfortable I felt when I read his text.
I waited (resisted?) for two days. Late on Christmas eve, I told him I was available. He came over. I guess we both knew what was going to happen. We spent most of the night talking, but then we spent two days in bed. Turns out I’m not over him.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? As we both knew, we had amazing sex. We’ve always described ourselves as sexual soulmates. We still are. Haven’t had that with anyone. Neither has he. We’ve had oral, vaginal, anal, sensual orgasmic sex. As we’ve always had. It’s like we’ve never separated. Everything was so intense and normal at the same time. It’s an incredible feeling.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? He left this afternoon, which is when I took a Xanax. I’m not feeling better, it didn’t make me feel better, it makes me feel very very lonely. I knew it would, but I kept telling myself it wouldn’t. I know there are no expections to have. We have absolutely no future. I know we’ll stay in touch. But we have no serious future. I’m not even sure I’d want one. He’s 8 yrs younger than me. We’re not in the same place in life. We never have been.
It’s a bittersweet feeling. I know it’ll go away, I’m not worried.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Withdrawal, Discussed STI testing history

What were your motives for this hookup? Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection

How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? To the friends I was with when I was texting the guy. Both very close friends who know all about my past with the guy. One told me to go have fun and enjoy, the other told me not to “go there”, as I was finally in a good place in my life, and considering the time it took me to get over the break up 3 years ago.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Mixed (Some positive, some negative)

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Somewhat

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Somewhat

Why do you regret this hookup? Because there seems to be so much more involved than just good sex, which was my original thought.
It just cannot be only about sex when the partner is an ex with whom you share a very passionate history to begin with. I felt better before I saw him. I would be feeling better if I hadnt seen him.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The connection. Human and sexual.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The end of it.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? No, it has confirmed it.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Very negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? Do not have sex with you ex.

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Casual sex only works when you’re not remotely at risk of falling in love. Which in my case means finding the guy stupid, uninteresting, or whatever. Which means it lasts about a week, after which i cannot stand spending time with someone I dont appreciate, look up too etc..

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? Very intersting. Reassuring.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!