We Should Have Done This Sooner

by Blondie

What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 25
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? United States
Highest education received: Some college (not currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Chef
What’s your current relationship status? Dating casually
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Very
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 4
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

We should have done this sooner

How long ago did this hookup happen? 3 months ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Single

How would you best classify this hookup? Sex with an ex

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For more than 3 years

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I met my partner the summer before my freshman year in high school. He has dark, curly hair, brown eyes and olive skin. We dated long-distance for three years. I was very young and entirely inexperienced- he was my first kiss!- so we never got past making out. We did have sex once about 6 years after our break-up, but that’s now when the story gets juicy.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? After our first hook-up, two years passed with no communication and I get the dreaded “how are you?” text. We started talking again and given our more-than-apparent sexual chemistry, we knew it would happen should we spend time together (though I instigated it from the beginning).

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? He brought his bag into the room and sat on the bed. I came and snuggled up to him. He lowered his mouth to mine and began sucking on my bottom lip. Then he reached between my legs and teased me through my panties. After about a minute, he flipped onto his knees and buried his face between my legs. He flicked at my clit with his tongue while he fingered me. Then he very gently slid a finger into my ass. Within seconds he had all four fingers inside me while he continued to suck on me. Then he reached up and choked me. That’s when I came. He then kissed his way up my stomach until our mouths met with longing. He slid himself inside me slowly, but deep. His whole body weight atop me, he rocked back and forth before pulling my knees to my chest and choking me again. This was the first time I came during sex without having to touch myself.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? After the hook-up, I felt amazing. As a person with a religious background, I felt like I was finally able to free myself from the shame and disappointment the church so often associates with sex. My confidence was higher, I let go of unrealistic fears and both of us were satisfied. I also felt a much deeper appreciation for my partner and his willingness to work for my pleasure- and practically worship my body. I would not be disappointed if this hook-up led to a rekindled (hopefully permanent) flame.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Withdrawal

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection

How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My closest friends are a married couple. They were proud of me for being bold and letting myself be taken care of sexually. They applauded my prowess and have been very supportive.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I’ve never been so sexually attracted to someone while simultaneously having no reservations about my body/performance. We were like perfect math. The amount of comfort and safety exchanged was immense.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? My butt hurt a little afterwards! Ha.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes. I’m much less hung up on the idea of “waiting” and much more focused on taking things as they are. I feel more confident in myself, physically and emotionally. I’m owning my turn ons and feeling much more powerful for that. I still think this is a less casual given the history between us (I did have a casual hook-up since and it was much less rewarding in all aspects), but it has changed my perspective greatly.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? We’re still hooking up. And it only gets better every time we have sex. Our desires are so similar, it’s become second nature to us.

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I have had good casual sex experiences and bad ones. I think it all depends on where you are emotionally at the time. Sometimes it feels right and sometimes it doesn’t. It’s that simple- like how simple it should be for people to express themselves sexually without fear of judgement or self-shaming. Let people navigate through life on their own. If they do something they regret, they won’t do it again. We need to stop teaching people that having sex will ruin everything. Even if it’s the wrong time with the wrong person and you don’t realize it until afterwards, everything will be okay. You aren’t damaged goods.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think this is a really beautiful way to create a dialogue about sex culture! Everyone’s been brought to this place in their life because of things that have happened to them. And sometimes sex is part of that! It seems important to share.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!