Before Deployment



What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 27
What’s your race/ethnicity? Mixed / Multiracial
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? USA
Highest education received: Some college (currently in college)
What’s your occupation? military
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 2
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Before Deployment

How long ago did this hookup happen? 1 month

What was your relationship status at the time? Single

How would you best classify this hookup? Short fling

How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I should start by saying I was married for 4 years and divorced a year prior to this. So I still had some caged emotions as I did not want the divorce. As for the girl I hooked up with, she was 22 in college, on an athletic scholarship. She was tall for a girl but still shorter than me. We had texted for about 3 days before I met her in her college town. She seemed really cool and had a great body.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We loosely planned a date that turned into a whole day of going different places getting to know each other. I was the instigator for everything except choosing the places to go because I did not know the town, but I was the instigator which was out of my character but received good feedback from her so I kept it up. But it all started with me picking her up at her place. We went for a walk in the park and went to a restaurant we both liked and then went back to her place to play a video game while we waited for a movie showtime. It wasn’t until we got to the movie that I finally held this girls hand. After the movie, it was late so when we went back to her place and she asked if I was too tired to drive home. I lived over an hour away so she asked if I wanted to stay the night. I said that was probably a good idea!

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? I had no intentions of actually hooking up on the first date so we started watching a TV show when we got inside and it took me 3 episodes of us sitting next to each other on the couch for me to finally kiss her. But one of the episodes was all about one of the characters wanting to be kissed so I had to wait till that was over. Once we started making out (I’m horrible at reading people), I did the whole kiss for 3 seconds and then pulled back to see if they followed, and that worked. So I started to get handsy then she asked if we should go to the bedroom, I said she was full of great ideas and we went there. Then I picked her up and started making out again. I threw her on the bed and started working off her dress, then she took off her own underwear. I took off her bra, which led to me eating her out for an extensive amount of time while I was waiting to get hard which usually isn’t a problem but I was severely dehydrated from not drinking water for 3 days prior. Anyways, it ended up in missionary position at first, then switched to doggy, and I didn’t last much longer than that, which I also blamed on dehydration. And she told me, “she never usually does this” and I told her as sincerely as I could that “I don’t either, and it had been a long while since I had.” After another make-out session in bed that lasted what seemed forever, I ended up going back down on her again, then with no verbal communication at all really she went down on me, which led to cowgirl position after, then doggy again. Then my dick stopped working and I couldn’t even finish myself. Now even more dehydrated and me being embarrassed slightly, we neither one said much to each other, other than “we should probably get some sleep” before we both fell asleep. Then we both slept in till like noon. We had sex again to no better results on my end and we both told each other that we needed to leave for different events that day. We got ready and still weren’t saying much. I never told her but my self-esteem was pretty low after my performance. Not that I wasn’t putting in plenty of effort in the other aspects not involving my penis. But after I was ready to leave and we were at the door, I said, “well, until next time, I suppose.” She reached for the door, not a hug, and I leaned in and kissed her at the same time feeling shoved out the door.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Somewhat

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

Did your partner have an orgasm? I don’t know

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now?

I tried texting her when I got home avoiding the whole sex interaction talk the whole time. But I got nothing more than 2-word replies for the most part until she just stopped responding altogether, which is worked out I guess because I got recalled to my previous unit, in another country. But I am still overanalyzing the whole situation wondering what all I did wrong or what I could have done better or wondered if all she wanted was just a one-night stand.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more, To feel more confident, To cheer myself up, I was feeling lonely, Didn’t want to disappoint my partner, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it

How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but I didn’t give a ‘no’

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They didn’t give a clear ‘yes’, but didn’t give a ‘no’

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I talked to my brother and a couple other friends and they gave me the typical guy response of “at least you got some.” But for me, this was the first girl I’ve been with since my ex-wife, while I wasn’t expecting a one-night stand I also wasn’t trying to just leave it at that if it had potential to be more.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Neutral

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Learning what my boundries are and it was a bit of a confidence booster.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? Not knowing what she really thinks and what could’ve been.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Just made me aware of what I’m capable of. It didn’t really change my mind about casual sex in general.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Somewhat negative

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think this is a good medium to learn through others experiences and thoughts.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!