What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 58
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? USA
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Teacher
What’s your current relationship status? Engaged/Married (monogamous)
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? Somewhat
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 54
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
How long ago did this hookup happen? 1984
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? Short fling
How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? She was a young woman with alabaster skin and black hair cut very short. She was a lieutenant in the Army Reserve visiting Germany for a couple of weeks on vacation. I met her in the officers’ club on an American airbase in Germany where I was serving on active duty. I thought she was really cute, and she laughed a lot, so I was really drawn to her. Up to this point in time, I had only had five sexual partners, one of which was another one-nighter… so I was fairly inexperienced.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? Her traveling companion (another woman) had basically abandoned her to go off with another guy, so I offered to entertain her for the evening. We chatted idly while playing backgammon in the bar. I then offered to drive her back to her hotel. She said that her companion had the key, and we could not find her companion, so I offered to take her back to my house where she could call her room until her companion returned. There was no real plan, I didn’t even start out with the intention of having sex. At one point, she complained about a small sharp pain where her shoulder and neck meet. I stepped behind her and started rubbing the spot. After a minute or two, I just leaned over and brushed my lips across the back of her neck. She promptly turned around, put both arms around my neck, and smiled, and asked me what I was doing. I said that she looked good enough to eat, and I was just tasting her to see if it was true. She leaned up to kiss me and I reciprocated. We made out for about 5 minutes or so when I mentioned that the bedroom was upstairs, and I was curious if the rest of her tasted as good as her mouth. She giggled and said, “only one way to find out.” So I led her upstairs.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? I undressed her completely before undressing myself. We lay on the bed kissing and touching each other. I spent a lot of time tonguing her breasts before slowly working down to her thighs. When I started performing cunnilingus, she moaned very loudly, and cried out that no one had ever done that since David. I had to ask who David was. Turns out, he was a former fiance with whom she had broken up earlier, presumably one of the reasons she was on the trip with her friend. I continued performing oral sex on her until she came. Then I entered her missionary style, and we spent some time like that. I would occasionally pull out and squeeze myself to keep from cumming too soon. After I came, we relaxed and cuddled for a while until I tried to convince her to go down on me. She again mentioned David, and said she had never performed fellatio on anyone but him. We basically spent the next couple of hours going down on each other before I entered her again, doggy style. Her companion apparently never came back to their room because she never answered the phone, so we ended up sleeping together all night.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one
Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? The next morning, I drove her over to her B&B. Her companion had finally come back but had been extremely drunk and passed out (which was why she hadn’t answered the phone.) In trying to get her companion moving, they missed their flight. The girl called the airline to reschedule for the same flight the next day, then called her boss to get the extra day of vacation. Since her companion was basically unconscious for the rest of the morning, I suggested we spend the day together, so I took her to a couple “off the beaten path” places the typical tourist doesn’t see. After dinner, we went back to my place and essentially repeated the previous night’s performance. I dropped her back at her B&B around 10PM that night. Even though she gave me her number in the States, I never contacted her, as I got into a serious relationship a couple of months later. I never heard from her again.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, I don’t know if my partner was on any (other) method
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s)
How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high
What substances did you consume? Alcohol
How intoxicated was your partner? A little tipsy/high
What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Somewhat
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I never told anyone the details. When I started a serious relationship, my partner and I did share general information about previous partners, and I included this story as “had a one-night stand with an Army chick.” Reaction was neutral.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? Not at all
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? She was very enthusiastic, very encouraging, and not afraid to tell me what felt good and what didn’t. She was also very demonstrative when she came. Basically made me feel like I was an outstanding lover the entirety of both nights.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? She mentioned David half a dozen times… thankfully, I always came out on the better side of the comparison.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? It made me realize that I didn’t need to spend weeks getting to know a person before asking them to go to bed. Sometimes the connection just feels okay, even with a relative stranger.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Casual sex gets less and less important as I get older. I find that I really need some sort of emotional connection with my partner to fully enjoy the experience, but in my early 20s, I was just a recently deflowered virgin college boy with a desire to feel as many women under me as possible. With the relatively few sexual partners I had before getting married, I find myself occasionally thinking back fondly on each of them, and sad for the ones whose names I can’t recall. I guess if the sex is TOO casual, I am probably better off just masturbating. I need to know that my partner is a human being with thoughts and feelings of their own.
What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I am interested to see what statistical analysis, if any, comes out of this project, and what the results imply about human sexuality in general.
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