Only Emotionally Attached but Pressured to Hookup

by Jackson

What’s your gender? Man
How old are you? 19
What’s your race/ethnicity? East Asian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? New York
Highest education received: High school diploma
What’s your occupation? College Student
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 4
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

Only Emotionally Attached but Pressured to Hookup

How long ago did this hookup happen? 3 months

What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status

How would you best classify this hookup? Short fling

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than 6 months

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? She is a fun-loving college girl, not looking for anything serious and just trying to have the time of her life. We met at a party and made out that very night. We then shared something a little less than a short fling: drank/went to parties together and made out several times. After the first night I met her, I kept her contact because I thought she is kinda cute (mainly her personality).

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We went to different parties that night and both got back alone, drunk, and exhausted. She called me at 3 in the morning, saying she’s lonely and her room is empty, and so I went.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? We first just talked and made out. She then said she wants more this time so I took off her shirts and started sucking her nipples. Soon enough I was down at her panties and was teasing her, with my own shirt off. I kissed and gently bit the inner part of her legs and she was moaning and saying she loves it. I gave her an oral until she had an orgasm. I took off my own pants but had a hard time getting hard. It’s my first experience with ED and was likely due to alcohol and exhaustion. Attempting to make me hard, she gave me a hand job and then sucked my penis. However, I suddenly had no interest–I was not sexually attracted to her nude body. I felt ashamed and apologized to her. She was nice and comforting, continuously saying that it’s okay. I then give her another oral until she had her second orgasm because I felt bad for not being able to get hard.

In the end, she said she wants to stay alone and so I left and went back to my own apartment. I was puzzled and did not understand what she really wants.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? A little

Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? The next day, I still felt ashamed for not being able to get hard. I texted her and apologized again, and she again said it’s okay in a nice way. I expected to have sexual relationship with her again, but it never happened. Since then, we had gone out several times together but never had any intimate relationship for various reasons, such as mutual friends were around or occupational duties. I have also heard stories about her hook up history with some people I know and felt like I was just another one on her long list, and so I felt uncomfortable.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms, No penetrative sex happened

What were your motives for this hookup? Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more, Thought it was an important experience to have, Intoxication, To feel better about myself, To feel more confident, I was feeling lonely, Everyone else was/is doing it, Didn’t want to disappoint my partner

How intoxicated were you? A little tipsy/high

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My close friends and they shared similar experiences with ED while intoxicated/exhausted.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Neutral

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? A little bit

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure

Do you regret this hookup? Somewhat

Why do you regret this hookup? Because I was fully exposed to another person I’m not that close to but could not perform.

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? It felt special to push our relationship to another level.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? ED.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? Yes. The moment when I found I was not sexually attracted to her nude body was when I realized sex is not meant to be a casual matter. The quality of after-party sex is just so low because of intoxication and exhaustion. Moreover, after this hook-up I had several more incidents of hook-ups, but I found emotionless sex less and less fun; I felt I have been doing all this simply because many of friends often talk about it and I have to sort of fit in. I stopped hooking-up soon after and I am now looking for a fully committed relationship.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? To me, sex without emotion and/or under influence of substances is simply not enjoyable. My best sexual experiences have always been with partners to whom I was fully committed, and all the hook-up experiences just became joking matters when I hang out with other guy friends. I really don’t care what others in the society do about casual sex, but I have learned that it’s not something for me.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? I think it’s a great way to truthfully share our sexual experiences without having to worry about many things that we otherwise would in everyday life. For instance, I have only shared my ED experience with my closest friends because I do think it is something to be ashamed of, but to many others I’ve only told the fact that I hooked-up with this girl, omitting the ED part.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!