What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 28
What’s your race/ethnicity? Southeast Asian
What continent do you live on? Asia
What country and/or city do you live in? Malaysia
Highest education received: College degree (eg., BA, BS)
What’s your occupation? Consultant
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Buddhist
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 2
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0
How long ago did this hookup happen? 6 years
What was your relationship status at the time? Single
How would you best classify this hookup? Short fling
How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a month
Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? I met him at a tango event on campus one random weekend in the middle of winter. He asked me to dance at practice and then for my number and I thought it was just a friendly thing. He then left for a couple of months for a holiday and I didn’t hear from him until one day I decided to start talking to him on Facebook. I wasn’t really looking for anything but he seemed like a nice guy who I thought I could be friends with.
How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? Hookup began on St Pattys day. It went from a bar to us kissing on a park bench at 3am. Nothing happened that night but a couple of days later I went over to his for dinner. We started with a movie and before it ended just about everything was off from the waist up.
What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? He started by going down on me and then I did the same. I was still a virgin so I didn’t exactly want my first time to be so sudden. I stayed over at his that night.
How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very
Did you have an orgasm? No, but I was close
Did your partner have an orgasm? I don’t know
What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I kept up with him for about two months until I graduated and left the country. Even now 6 years later I miss who he meant to me at that point in time. I would marry him if I could turn back time.
What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Withdrawal, Condoms, Birth control pill / patch / ring / injection / implant
What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Thought it was an important experience to have, I was feeling lonely, Submission / Relinquishing power, Making new friends, Everyone else was/is doing it, Peer pressure, Didn’t want to disappoint my partner, It was easy / convenient
How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)
How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very
Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent
How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very
Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent
To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Friends initially, they were happy I found someone and it really was more for the gossip.
How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive
Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very
Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? I don’t know / I’m not sure
Do you regret this hookup? A little bit
Why do you regret this hookup? Because I still miss him to this day.
What was the BEST thing about this hookup? Finally experienced sex. Intimacy and waking up next to someone you really care about.
What was the WORST thing about this hookup? That it destroyed me for a few years after. That I flew back to see him again and he did not want to kiss me.
Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? That I’m open to it but it has to be with someone that you trust.
All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive
All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative
What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? I feel sometimes obliged, as though if I didn’t something was wrong with me or the guy would stop talking/communicating with me.
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