First Time

by Nicole

What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 33
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? North America
What country and/or city do you live in? United States
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Artist
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Agnostic
How religious are you? Not at all
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
Any other term(s) that describe your sexuality or sexual identity? No
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 1
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? 0

First Time

How long ago did this hookup happen? 3 months

What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status

How would you best classify this hookup? Short fling

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a week

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? He was incredibly cute and the moment I met him I felt totally comfortable with him. We met on an anonymous app and started just talking about everything and everything. We got interested in each other just by talking and decided to meet up for lunch. There was chemistry right away, we met after work for drinks and made out for a couple hours. I wanted time to think about inviting him over and by the next afternoon I texted him to come over that night. I felt excited but terrified before the hook up. I had never slept with anyone before but I didn’t tell him that. I wanted to have fun, I wanted to be with someone who wanted me me instead of all the emotionally driven but going nowhere relationships I always seem to have with men. I just wanted to be desired, especially since I had a medical emergency a couple years before that had left me feeling like a specimen.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? At my place. After some scheduling problems, he came over at midnight. It began with us on the couch and him playing with my hair. We started making out and it moved on from there.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? The hookup started with him performing oral sex on me. In fact that was most of the hookup. I also performed oral sex on him, there was multiple sessions of vaginal intercourse. There was fingering, different positions, etc. I felt totally relaxed during it, my only concern was performing in a way that didn’t give off any hint of how inexperienced I was. I learned a lot right away: that I squirt, I orgasm easily, and what it was like to have a man want my body. Everything we did was a first for me.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? He wanted to snuggle after the hook up which I found confusing. The next morning we had sex again and then made breakfast together and hooked up after that. When he was leaving I decided I couldn’t see him again because I have never been so instantly comfortable with someone before and didn’t trust it. I told him goodbye but we ended up hooking up a month after that. We were supposed to hook up more but his life got complicated and of course we started to feel things for each other. I feel pretty hurt now because I didn’t want it to get serious, I was so looking forward to having fun and learning more. Oddly enough, now that it is over I feel incredibly alone-I wish I could tell him he was my first so that experience is not something that just belongs to me.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Thought it was an important experience to have, To feel more desirable

How intoxicated were you? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How intoxicated was your partner? Not at all (no alcohol or drugs)

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? My friends. They were shocked I met someone I felt so comfortable with and were thrilled at how good the experience was, they said I had a unicorn first time.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Relatively positive

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? My first time: I came three times and he made me eggs in the morning.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? I met someone who had serious long term potential but the timing was off.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I don’t think I can do a random hook up again but am afraid to let this momentum die down. I want to experience more but am afraid that I’ll end up picking someone who will hurt me next.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Fairly positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Not at all negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I’m lucky our paths crossed.

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? Nothing changed. I always thought casual sex was fine as long as everyone consents and uses protection. I guess I never thought that being with someone who didn’t care about me would be my first. But all I ever wanted was to be with someone I trusted and oddly enough I trusted him…that was very surprising.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? It’s a great resource to share and also read about other people’s experiences.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!