Forbidden Fruit in Zanzibar

by Mary M.

What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 58
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Africa
What country and/or city do you live in? Ethiopia
Highest education received: Post-graduate degree (eg., MA, MS, PhD, JD, MD)
What’s your occupation? Non-governmental Aid Organization
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation:
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? Many
How many hookup stories have you here posted before? none

Forbidden Fruit in Zanzibar

How long ago did this hookup happen? 2 weeks ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Same as current status

How would you best classify this hookup? Short fling

How long did you know the person before this hookup? Just met that day

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? We met in Zanzibar while I was there on vacation. A drummer in a raggae band, he is a handsome black Zanzibari in his late 20’s with dredlocks. I am a white professional 58-year old American woman who takes excellent care of herself, so I look like I could be in my 40’s. The huge differences between us were certainly a turn-on for me. We met through a mutual friend who also plays in the band.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We both instigated it because we were flirting, dancing, talking. While swimming in the ocean, he suddenly wrapped his arms around me, kissed me, and I felt his hardness. I swam away from him, wondering what I was going to do with all this desire. Later that night we took a long walk on the beach under a full moon. We lay down together on my paleo under a palm-thatched shelter. He was the best kisser, very soft and gentle. Soon we were entangled in each other’s arms.

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? On the sand under the shelter we explored each other’s bodies very slowly and softly, The sounds of the waves of the ocean, and the wind through the palm trees was intoxicating. He kissed me everywhere, and I kissed him everywhere, and it was deliciously romantic. After a few hours of sex, we went our separate ways for the night.

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Very

Did you have an orgasm? Yes, more than one

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, multiple

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? We spent some time together throughout the week snorkeling, swimming, and making music. We repeated our first night’s activities after the moon rose every night. Of course he had no money, so I took him out for dinner and drinks many times. That was what he needed. I needed to enjoy Zanzibar with a local. We both used each other for our reasons. I will visit Zanzibar again, and have even considered buying property and building a home there, as I have several friends who have done that. If we were to have a future it would be in another lifetime, not here and now.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Condoms

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection

How intoxicated were you? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How intoxicated was your partner? Small amount of alcohol or drugs, not enough to feel it

What substances did your partner(s) consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Very

Did you consent to this hookup at the time? I gave enthusiastic consent

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? I have spoken with nobody about this (until now). I know that if I told anyone they would think this was not a good decision on my part.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? I didn’t tell anyone

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Not at all

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? The best thing was the automatic chemistry between us because of the differences in our lives.

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? The worst thing is the same thing as the best thing: the chemistry between us because of the differences in our lives.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? I am sure that this has changed me forever, but I cannot really come to terms yet with how it has changed me and to what extent it has changed me. I have some guilt about doing such a culturally-frowned-upon thing by having casual sex with a man less than half my age. The truth is that I felt like I was in my 20’s again when I was with this young man, and of course I will never be in my 20’s again. Since then, I’ve read about wealthy white women of a certain age going to Zanzibar to intentional engage in such experiences with Zanzibari Rasta boys.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? Very positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? A little negative

Anything else you want to add about this hookup? I keep asking myself if this was immoral because of our differences, and if so, how immoral was it. Did either of us take advantage of the other in any way that hurt the other? How risky was the behavior?

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? In the 1970’s, before the dark days of AIDS, casual sex was more-or-less condoned in the U.S. if both people were consenting adults. Since AIDS, society has taken a more cautious approach to casual sex, returning to the more conservative attitudes from the past.

What do you think about the Casual Sex Project? The research findings will be interesting, and will perhaps change what we thought we knew about people’s intimate behaviors.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!