I Shagged a Cheater

by Sari

What’s your gender? Woman
How old are you? 29
What’s your race/ethnicity? White / Caucasian
What continent do you live on? Europe
What country and/or city do you live in? France
Highest education received: Some college (not currently in college)
What’s your occupation? Secretary
What’s your current relationship status? Single
Religious affiliation: Christian
How religious are you? A little
What’s your sexual orientation? Heterosexual
How many sexual partners have you had in your life (including oral sex)? 20

I Shagged a Cheater

How long ago did this hookup happen? 1 year ago

What was your relationship status at the time? Dating casually

How would you best classify this hookup? Short fling

How long did you know the person before this hookup? For less than a month

Tell us about your PARTNER(S). What did they look like? How well did you know them, had you hooked up before? How/Where did you meet them? How did you feel about them before the hookup? Small-but-charming Australian. We’d moved to the same town and met through mutual friends. Neither of us worked – we were living in a hostel – so we hung out a lot and I thought I had got to know him quite well. I was very attracted to him. I went away for a week to work. We then moved into a shared house with the other mutual friends. While I was away he would send me romantic texts that he missed me etc. What a con. I was yet to find out he was sleeping with at least one other girl while I was away.

How/where did the hookup BEGIN? What led to it? Was planning involved? Who instigated it? We first hooked up after a night of drinking. In a hostel bunk bed while his room mates slept. Only foreplay – he was good at that – but I kept telling him no more. I was very aroused but my religious conscious tells me I’m not allowed. He was very persistent. Fast-forward to us living at the house. Nine twenty-somethings, most of us sharing bedrooms, few of us working. Rather bohemian. One couple would be having sex in a single bed while the others in the room pretended to sleep. Mr X decided he was going to look elsewhere for work. We had a farewell party. That night we made-out in bed. He was very persistent…

What happened DURING the hookup? What sexual behaviors took place (e.g., oral, vaginal, anal, kinky stuff)? How did you feel during it? How did they behave toward you? Were they a good lover? What did you talk about? How did it end? Standard foreplay. Lots of touching and fingering. Others were ‘asleep’ in the room – I felt a mix of risqué enjoyment but more self-consciousness. I got sick of his pestering and let him have sex with me. It was very bland, not pleasurable at all, we just went through the motions. He wanted me to get on top. That was no better. Ended with him coming on my stomach

How sexually satisfying was this hookup? Not at all

Did you have an orgasm? No, not even close

Did your partner have an orgasm? Yes, one

What happened AFTER the hookup? How did you feel about it the next day? What are/were your expectations/hopes for the future with this person? How do you feel about them now? I felt sad when he left the next day. Not long after the incident, my friend told me he had slept with another mutual friend while I was away. I was shocked and gutted. Slimey ass.

What precautions did you take to prevent STIs and pregnancy? (Check all that apply) Withdrawal, Condoms

What were your motives for this hookup? Fun, pleasure, horniness, Attraction to partner(s), Learning new things, experimenting, Emotional intimacy, closeness, connection, Hoping or expecting it would lead to something more, Thought it was an important experience to have, Intoxication, To feel better about myself, To feel more desirable, To feel more confident, I was feeling lonely, Peer pressure, Didn’t want to disappoint my partner, Just happened, I don’t know why, just went along with it, I didn’t want it but was unable to stop it

How intoxicated were you? Drunk/high but not wasted

What substances did you consume? Alcohol

How wanted was this hookup for you at the time? Somewhat

How wanted was this hookup for your partner at the time? Very

Did your partner(s) consent to this hookup? They gave enthusiastic consent

To whom did you talk about the hookup? How did they react? Told no one but the other house mates surely knew.

How would you best summarize people’s reactions about this hookup? Neutral

Did you get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Very

Did your partner get emotionally hurt as a result of this hookup? Not at all

Do you regret this hookup? Very much

Why do you regret this hookup? I ‘gave myself’ to this guy, knowing that he was leaving the next day, and I was too weak to say no to him

What was the BEST thing about this hookup? I tried something a little risqué

What was the WORST thing about this hookup? as per the regret. The experience was also tainted by the fact that the guy was a cheating liar.

Has this hookup changed the way you think about casual sex, sexuality, or yourself in general? For some, having sex in the same room as others would be a turn-on. For me it did nothing. I’m not going to sleep with anyone else unless we are in a committed relationship and I can trust them.

All things considered, how POSITIVE was this experience? A little positive

All things considered, how NEGATIVE was this experience? Very negative

What are your thoughts on casual sex more generally, the role it has played in your life, and/or its role in society? What would you like to see changed in that regard? It has never given me any pleasure.

You have a hookup story to share? Submit it here!

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